[ it took painfully long, for the elements to align and the moon eclipse to finally approach. hua cheng can't say he didn't appreciate his time as a cat; he's aware that he got close to xie lian more quickly than his human form would've allowed, not to mention he was indulged in ways he would've otherwise only imagined.
but he's glad he can finally feel his power creeping in, tingling pleasantly under his skin like electricity. this form means he'll be stronger, he'll manage to defend xie lian even better, until he's completely oblivious to the risks and threats around him because hua cheng has obliterated them. he will also be able to infuse more luck into him, whether he needs it or not.
hua cheng can't deny though, there are selfish reasons too. he wants xie lian to look at him, the real him. he wants to answer him when his name is called. he wants to touch him and hold him in his arms and... ah-- hua cheng can't help picturing all sorts of affection. it's taboo between master and servant bound by the kind of contract they share. and yet he's greedy, to the point that he sometimes influences xie lian's dreams until his blurry outline appears in them, cuddling the older to his chest and kissing the top of his head. he doubts xie lian remembers those dreams, because he never mentions them.
hua cheng stirs from his curled position on top of the covers and stretches deep, yawning as even his pointy ears press against the top of his head. he feels power expanding at every inch of the moon that's cast in shadow. the moment the pale surface is swallowed by darkness, hua cheng turns.
endlessly long, inky black hair pools on the blanket and slips down from the edge of the bed; fair, lean limbs stretch, long and strong legs, a chiseled abdomen and a wide back; his thin lips curl into a taunting smile, while mismatched eyes shine of their own light. hua cheng is naked and he tangles his legs in the topmost cover so his modesty will be hidden by it, without him getting into physical contact with his master.
languidly laying on his side, his gaze is enamoured, as he presses his elbow on the pillow and leans his face against the heel of his hand. the red string xie lian tied to his paw is still there, around his middle finger, and so is the collar around his neck. his free hand cards through xie lian's smooth hair as the moon frees itself from the cage of shadow, flooding the room in pale light. hua cheng is so excited that his power near crackles under his skin.
he feels a deep shiver when he accidentally grazes the other's ear and he doesn't know if it's the intensity of his attraction, or their bond shivering in pleasure at how they're connected even more deeply now. ]
( xie lian still doesn't actually realize what he's done, that rather than taking in an ordinary stray (one others would have shunned religiously due to basic superstitions), the black cat — xiao hua — is in fact his familiar. to say nothing of xie lian's lineage of magic users and what he "should" have done or had. in fact, he tries to adamantly not to think about it sometimes that he has a hard time remembering the details, even if it wasn't all that long ago.
this is a small town. a general store. a flower shop. a grocer. xie lian had wandered here...when? a little after he first saw xiao hua, but before he took him in. it's a much smaller place than the massive city he was born in, but somehow over the moons, he's become more at home here than he's felt in quite a while. xiao hua helped with that. and though he's "just a cat", there's nothing "just" or "only" about another living being, about a part of your life that makes you smile or feel strangely comforted even if you do not particularly feel you deserve it.
what a simple and bone deep kindness it has been in xie lian's life these days and nights, to curl up with xiao hua who lets him do such silly things as tie a red string around his paw and tell him nonsense secrets that are almost, almost wishes: "xiao hua. look. now, no matter what, i can find you." then xie lian had blushed under that odd blue light of the moon before eclipse, laughed at himself and murmured, "well, as long as you want to..." and like that he'd fallen asleep, one pale hand curled against xiao hua's soft belly.
the magic in xie lian's family has had strong witches before, but xie lian had left even those in the dust. welcomed into another coven known as "immortals", xie lian had left his own blood at 17, only to return when he had word of things falling apart. he hadn't been able to help them and indeed is the reason for the deaths of many. even in modern times, a villain is a villain and a poison is a poison. one drinks water. one burns witches — those who aren't useful anyway, those damned by fortune. so on. so forth.
around xie lian's wrist and ankle: a shackle. if one catches a glimpse, it is easy to write them off as poor decisions of youth, tattoos after one too many drinks (not true, as xie lian's magic cultivation roots in abstinence from such things). his magic is, these days, quite limited and his luck hysterically bad. but the story no one knows other than xie lian himself is that he asked for these. but would it ever be enough to make up for...?
such is the contortion of xie lian's nightmares, moments of painful enclosure or fire and smoke, or a white strip of fabric innocuous to anyone else, the self-same one that lives in waking life wrapped around xie lian's wrist (usually.) since inviting xiao hua in, he has noticed the nightmares are less, but perhaps the eclipse strengthens more than one thing. those nightmares recede though in tandem with "xiao hua" becoming himself, becoming hua cheng even as xie lian still remains entangled in sleep — sleep that does not appear troubled at all, because xie lian taught himself years ago to not make a fuss, awake or not. still, it might be more obvious in his spirit, how it settles in alignment with hua cheng settling into his proper form, like a deep breath taken after too long of being deprived.
it also wakes xie lian up.
he blinks, eyes heavy, woken in the midst of things, and instinctively spreads his fingers, pushes his palm forward to search blearily for xiao hua...
...???
....??!!?!?
what he touches is not the soft silky black fur of xiao hua but something firm, and warm and...and...? as xie lian's vision finally focuses he decides must not be awake after all, follows the too handsome man's face down his bare chest ???? to his stomach where ---
xie lian snatches his hand back buries his face in his hands, then remembers how that hand was touching a second ago and unburies his face, scrambling backwards and utterly forgetting how perfect sized though this bed has been for him and a small black cat...well...
he feels his balance go off kilter and both arms flail wildly even as he shoots another confused, but very very awake look at...
[ there's the flick of a finger and xie lian stills mid-air, floats and doesn't fall, as hua cheng smiles warmly, a hint of amusement in the light of his eyes at witnessing the other's cute reaction. he frowns softly just a beat later, though, while he reaches out, large hands gripping xie lian's upper arms with unexpected gentleness and he pulls him on the bed again, terribly close to him. to be fair, he could've made the bed bigger with the same movement of his finger, but that would've meant no excuse to stick to his master and hua cheng is too mischievous for that. ]
Gege, don't forget the bed is barely big enough for us. [ he reminds him gently, the shadow of a tease in his tone. he knows perfectly why panic ensued and xie lian moved away so abruptly, but he treats it as if the other did it just because of sleepiness.
with the frames of two young men, the single bed is terribly small, to the point that hua cheng hooks one of his long legs against the other's, blanket shielding them from physical contact. his hands have been lingering around his elbows, chests facing one another to the point they almost graze at each inhale. xie lian is warm from embarrassment and hua cheng basks in the way that spreads his scent all around him, envelops him. that's one of the things he's loved, of sharing such closeness with xie lian all this time: being drenched in his scent, belonging to him so intimately without the other even realizing. ]
Did you have a nightmare again? [ he wonders if xie lian ever has dreams that aren't bad at all. not even his breathing changes, his self-control so deeply-rooted, yet he can feel the shifts in his magic while he sleeps, the spikes it reaches when he feels threatened.
hua cheng takes his hand and brings it to his face, leaning his cheek into his palm and smiling at him sweetly. his behaviour is so terribly similar to that affectionate black cat, xie lian is bound to notice it. he presses his lips to the heel of his hand. ] Gege, I've always been here by your side. Don't you recognize me? [ his eye smile is just like the way xiao hua narrowed his eyes in happiness and affection upon looking at him, his red eye not menacing at all.
he leads his hand to the top of his head, drags it to stroke his hair, just like xie lian always stroked his fur. ] I want gege to always find me. [ he mutters, voice low and nearly sultry, replying to the words he told him when he gifted him that red thread. ]
( it feels like there is a lot of time in which xie lian can barely respond, the more he becomes awake the more familiar this person becomes and yet he has never met such a person. he would remember this face. an unintelligible sound escapes him as he feels that leg hook, but he does not pull away, eyes widening at the question. how did he know? the minimal magic xie lian has would only necessarily be discernible by two, maybe three people, and, if he had one, a familiar. not that he needs one. he has been perfectly content with xiao hua —
— . . .
don't you recognize me?
details come into focus. the color of the eyes. the red string. the collar. even the way that face leans into his hand.
!?
it can't be.
and yet, when xie lian reaches out to feel for that familiar magic that had always gently surrounded xiao hua, it's as good as confirmation, despite it being so much stronger, overwhelming even, all but radiating off of the person holding him. his own heart is out of control, and the hand not held to the other's face is still pressed to his own face, sort of covering it sort of not, fingers splayed. magic signatures are what non magic users might equate to unique as fingerprints. there are no two just alike, no matter the origins.
xie lian's mind goes in circles until he can't remember what he was asked first, and out of habit he shakes his head. nightmares...it doesn't matter. it's fine.
ah. )
...Xiao Hua?
( he refrains from commenting that the bed was perfectly big enough just moments ago, even the slight shift of his body causing them to touch so he goes still. but when he breathes in, it's xiao hua but not. it's...like his magic, much stronger, the shape a little different, as if xie lian had been exposed to only the outermost ring of something secret and personal. his scent is both the same and different too, and it makes xie lian's head spin, floods his sense of smell and taste. he was already warm, flushed pink in all the telltale places, and that doesn't show any signs of changing any time soon, xie lian having a moment of insanity in which he almost leans forward to bury his face against a very human neck the way he would have also done with xiao hua...er xiao hua the cat. he stops himself beforehand, but it doesn't do much to curtail his inner embarrassment.
whenever xie lian would change, he noticed xiao hua would disappear into another room or hide his face. he would laugh and talk to him and tell him it's okay, not sincerely thinking it was a matter of modesty. xiao hua walked around without clothes every day after all! a point xie lian made to him affectionately off and on. now...
ahhhh....
the internal screaming might take a while.
xie lian's sleep clothes are akin to a sleeping hanfu, plain and white. simple. strangely he feels very at home in this ensemble, if one could call it that. though when he goes out to collect scraps from the local shops or forage in the nearby forests, he dresses much more subtly. with all his scrambling and almost falling, the robe has come loose, threatening to skew off of one shoulder but xie lian is so caught up in xiao hua — was it the eclipse?! will he change back?! ahhh....— he doesn't notice it at all. )
[ hua cheng laughs, warm and low and rumbling, not unlike the purrs he made when he was in his cat form, and his smile stretches across white teeth, canines a little sharper, much like the cat's own. ] I am your Xiao Hua, yes. [ he confirms him softly, holding that hand between his own, thumbs caressing across knuckles, as the tips of his fingers touch down to that shackle around his wrist, protective. ]
Did gege like my other form better? I can change back. [ he offers, upon seeing him so lost and feeling the embarrassment that burns his insides, as much as his cheeks. hua cheng's thumb rubs against xie lian's middle finger and a red thread just like his own appears, tied neatly into a ribbon. ] So I will never lose gege either. [ his eyes narrow happily, unexpected softness over such sharp, cold features.
his gaze brushes against the other's pretty face and slides down the elegant column of his neck, following the milky white skin to his nearly bare shoulder. he wants to kiss it, he wants to bite it. he can picture all too well how the mark of his teeth would look across it and his power bubbles up, excited. he could cover him in marks, hickeys imbued with magic, so that nobody ever dares getting close to him, sensing that he belongs to hua cheng and they would burn were they to lay a finger on him.
he's gathered power for centuries, greedy and hungry for it just so he could accumulate enough to protect xie lian effectively. he's always been his familiar, even when they weren't together; always acted for his sake, even if the other didn't know.
now the planets have aligned, the sacrifices have been offered and the spells have been chanted; a shadow was cast on the moon and hua cheng is nearly born anew, all his efforts leading to this one moment.
he reaches out to gently tuck his bangs behind his ear, black nails careful not to graze against his skin, and then his pads brush down along the shell of it and wander to his shoulder. he resists the temptation, unsure whether his lust spilled already in the other's mind, and he fixes the fabric. ]
My appearance may have changed but I will serve you just like I've done so far, master. I am yours all the same. [ how naturally he speaks such words, the way he looks at xie lian giving him away, like the older hung the stars in the sky, his one and only sun. ] I hope I have not scared you. [ his eyelashes flutter and he looks down, as if ashamed of such a thing. ]
No! ( the answer bubbles out of him reflexively. and then, waving his free hand almost comically back and forth, ) No, I mean yes? I mean, ( flushed, he takes a breath, exhales, ) I like...they are both good? Um.
( he's as eager to reassure him as he is to make sense of the flood of heat coursing through him, making him dizzy. the feverish warmth in his cheeks seems everywhere now, and he shivers with each touch, unconsciously leaning into it. the word "master" is a bit sobering though, in that it confuses him, and xie lian raises his head as the other lowers his gaze. he blinks, dumbfounded, then reaches out one hand -- the one without the string, which stays in the other's hold -- to pet at his face and then scratch behind his ear before catching himself! he's still treating him like a cat! his fingers freeze there and self conscious sheepish laughter trickles up again as xie lian...
starts to babble. )
Ah ha...well. I sorry what? "Master"? You don't have to call me that...um. And I'm not scared, really I'm not! I was just surprised. Xiao Hua is welcome in any form he likes. I, you know, it's...and maybe I'll open the window. It is sort of warm, isn't it?
( and xie lian has just pulled away, one leg off the bed before he stops again, looking over his shoulder, )
...or is Xiao Hua cold? You don't have fur anymore...
( he sort of knows he sounds ridiculous but he's overwhelmed. the heat from before hasn't rescinded. it tingles along his every nerve and indeed makes xie lian lose his balance now. some of it is his magic responding to the near full fledged form of the being he has not yet understood is his familiar. some of it is "xiao hua"'s feelings. and some of it is xie lian's feelings. it's just that he's never actually had those before, not in this way at least. even as he tries to remember the foundational spells he was meant to use to practice and grow his magic, spells of purity and abstinence, but none of them come. )
[ xie lian panics and hua cheng's smile stretches along his full lips, teasing and sweet at the same time. he can tell he's overwhelmed, but he finds him so incredibly endearing he can't help himself.
he hums with his deep voice, leaning into the touch to his face and sighing pleased at the scratching behind his ear, clearly still liking what he did when he was a cat. he purses his lips in a childidh pout when xie lian suddenly retreats his hand. it's obvious he doesn't mind still being doted on the way it happened when he was just a pet.
the older's laugh is so cute, he admires him with adoration dripping from his gaze, no attempt to hide it.
hua cheng looks displeased when the other scoots away and almost shifts off the bed, but his gaze lights up with mischief when he stops and looks back.
hua cheng shuffles from his position, forgetting about the blankets and his nakedness as he settles behind xie lian. arms wrap around his waist, sturdy chest presses against his back and a cascade of inky locks spills onto the older's shoulders as the familiar tucks his face in the side of the other's neck. he shamelessly breathes him in, deep. he loves his scent, he loves having it all over himself. it was easier when he was smaller, just a cat, but he can make it happen now too. ]
I'm so cold, gege. Don't leave. [ he indeed is cold, but it's his own condition, he can hardly grow warm at all. there were many things he sacrificed for power and the characteristics of a human are among those. ]
Gege, can't we cuddle like we used to? [ his voice resembles entirely a purr, while his nose rubs into the other's neck. ] I want to be close to you.
( there's a startled sound as he's pulled into his arms, freezing at first as he feels what he already knew — his state of undress —, only to be genuinely distracted by both his words and the truth of them. )
You're...very cold. Xiao Hua....Xiao Hua...are you okay?
( the abrupt panic from being flustered becomes panic from worry, the squeeze of xie lian's heart undoubtedly felt through the connection he still has not fully understood nor recognized. blindly he reaches back with a hand, tripping through the long soft black hair until he can pet him, however awkwardly. with his other hand he soothes along his arm back and forth as he might have along the whole of his cat form's back. )
Mm...that...um. Well.
( nerves dance in the borderline laugh of xie lian's voice, still confused, but then finding composure, not able to use magic so much anymore due to the shackles on his ankle and neck, but not everything is bound to his magic. there's a separation between that and his qi, which is part of what has endured him this far. still petting as much as he can, he relaxes, and there it is again: a near overwhelming flood of warmth and power. his heart beats a little faster, and though he's as warm as a small sun right now, xie lian shivers. he can feel it, this magic or magic adjacent thing right down to the tips of his fingers. not his.
but...?
the curious white strip of fabric that has been with him so long now unfurls itself to fly around and investigate xiao hua's new form, leery but also drawn. and xie lian gently chides, )
[ hua cheng sighs when he feels xie lian's distinct worry from his voice and their bond, the tightness of the other's chest echoing through his own. to earn his master's worry, he never thought this day would come. he's embarrassingly happy, plain and simple, more heat through their connection and the stable, lingering presence of contentment in it --i want to stay like this with you forever. ]
I'm okay, gege. I... simply do not have warmth in this form. [ he tries to explain it as simply as he can. it's not a lie, per se. he doesn't want to tell xie lian that he's not entirely alive, not anymore. he's something that lingers far beyond that, in darkness and spooky tales told to children so they won't go out at night on their own. he doesn't want to make him worry even more --and truthfully, a part of him fears rejection. would xie lian be disgusted, being touched by the dead?
he sighs, the pleasured puff of breath accidentally pressed against the other's ear, when he starts getting petted again, tilting his head into it. he yearns for xie lian to never stop touching him. every moment they're this close, skin rubbing together and fingers buried in his hair, their magic entwines and hua cheng's feeds xie lian, a nearly dry seedling growing steadily into a sapling.
hua cheng watches amused ruoye and, out of xie lian's line of sight, he sticks the tip of his tongue out to tease it. he holds him a little tighter as he rubs the tip of his nose against the shell of xie lian's ear, all while looking at the strip of silk. he seems to be telling it that it's not the only one who can wrap itself around xie lian anymore. ]
Gege... now do you know who I am? [ he wonders, voice soft and deep whispered in his ear. of course he's xiao hua, but that's not what he means. ] Can you feel who I am? [ as he floods their bond with his pure magic, like he's touching the older through every nerve ending, along each muscle and down to the tip of his long locks. they're one thing. xie lian ought to know what hua cheng is to him. ]
( since xie lian doesn't see that little interaction between them, there's no chastising. but be sure there would have been! still, er...perhaps not in this case. for xie lian is increasingly distracted and overwhelmed with the way that magic feeds into his own and, then, as if looking at the same thing in a new cant of light, reveals itself to be one thing all along.
the matter of familiars is commonly known, but not all magic users have them, not even very powerful ones. indeed, xie lian has never seen jun wu with such a being, nor even some other showier individuals. yet it is a truth that only those of considerable ability have the chance to find and connect with them, or be found by them.
with most of his magic sealed and his "fortune" dispersed, xie lian had thought himself far beyond that likelihood.
but he feels the way the body behind him wraps around him, the surge of energy, the electrification of all his nerves as if strung almost too tight but in a vibrant way. each exhale, each spoken word, shoots down along xie lian's spine and seems to threaten to shake him apart. it's not that his body as a vessel cannot handle it, but it's been so long...and xie lian had forgotten, perhaps, what it is like to feel good.
not "okay", not "fine", not even "better".
just good.
it feels like home.
though his concern over the other's coldness abates a little, there are yet tendrils of it beneath his own exponential warmth, which funnels back into where the magic comes to him, letting them wind around each other not unlike how the two bodies in bed look now. a fierce blush stains his cheeks but xie lian is so hot all over he actually cannot feel the difference, speaking and feeling a little delirious too, )
Xiao Hua... ( no, there is another name, the turning of a key, the alighting of a butterfly on a fingertip, a red string that always leads home, ah... ) ...Hua Cheng.
( a true name, especially of his familiar, is a strong thing. unlike other mythos, it need not remain secret. it has a physicality to it that rests like a broad palm against xie lian's heart as soon as he says it, his pulse slowing and then quickening almost maddeningly fast with recognition. mine.
his very own.
the hand in hua cheng's hair goes still only because xie lian has to focus on breathing, dizzy with heat and the over abundance of magic. )
I'm sorry... ( he gasps through caught breaths, petting him again but distinctly clumsier this time. )... I didn't know...
( in his perceived prime, none could best xie lian in magic or theory or anything else. magic users and non magic users adored him the same. a young prodigy belonging to the people. but it has been a very, very long time since then. xie lian has learned much that he never could have known before his fall from grace and repute. time in and of itself is unforgiving though, and the shackles that seem to tighten threateningly now, as if responding to this surge of power, did not help. the hand not in hua cheng's hair lifts to his own throat, nails digging ever so slightly, as his mind whirls on.
yet to not recognize one's own familiar! did xiao hua...no, hua cheng...feel rejected? even if he did, once he found xie lian he could not have left, bound as they are. worry resurfaces but it's interlaced with a deep and unconditional fondness. if (when) he learns the entirety of hua cheng's form, he will be neither disgusted nor anything else negative.
another thing about time: that once when xie lian was truly the age he looks, saved a cat. it was his coming of age ceremony, in a sense, and the interruption was frowned upon, xie lian reprimanded as much as one could do at the time. no one could see the importance, where to xie lian the importance was all there was to see: if he could save them, then of course he would. he had bespelled himself with flying magic, also against the rules, technically until after his ceremony, but he hadn't wanted to frighten the animal, knowing many did not respond well to enchantments of any kind; and true, cats could even often be immune. soon after, the council fell into chaos. to his own knowledge, xie lian saw the cat a few more times, offering it food or shelter all of those times, first aid once too, and then never again.
so when hua cheng asks do you know who i am there are many layers to it, but for now, xie lian only manages the connection of familiar. )
[ the moment xie lian speaks his name, hua cheng exhales a thick, breathy noise of pleasure, unable to restrain himself from the irresistible call of it.
those two syllables spoken by xie lian resonate within him, his heart shivering in anticipation and weakness; that voice reaches deep, almost physical in how it strokes his soul, reaches every nerve ending, echoes in each heartbeat. for a moment xie lian's ownership over him hurts with how whole, all-encompassing it is. each of his breaths belongs to xie lian, each of his thoughts, every inch that makes him, flesh and bones and blood.
xie lian could tear him apart and make him anew, crush him just for the sake of it and he would only thank him.
that is the destiny of familiars, devoted to their master to the point they're a rarity. it is not simply an oath of obedience they make, but one of possession. they belong to their master heart and soul and cannot exist without them. were their master to disappear, their fate would be the same. not only they cannot break their promise and serve another, but their master can do with them what they wish, even deciding to absorb their power to increase their own, even when it means killing them. it's such a one-way contract, it's not difficult to see why it's rare.
and so hua cheng cannot blame xie lian for not having known. now it is simply the way it should've been from the start: they're together.
hua cheng's hold around him has accidentally tightened and when he realizes he instantly loosens it, though he doesn't dare to stop touching him or put any distance between them. he needs the contact more than he needs air. ]
Thank you for calling my name, dianxia. [ hua cheng exhales shakily, still trying to recover from the wave of emotions. had he been standing, his legs surely would've grown weak. he tries to avoid calling him "master" now, though that's what he is, with how xie lian made clear he did not like that.
he can feel the tightness around the other's throat too and he bows his head, pressing his lips to the dark mark. hua cheng could remove it for xie lian, at the expense of pure power and his own life, but he finds himself selfish for a little bit more time with him. so he simply soothes the pain, by taking it all for himself through their connection and keeping it hidden from the other. were xie lian to force him, hua cheng couldn't hide anything from him, but he knows him well enough to be aware that won't ever be the case.
so he stores the pain in a part of himself their connection cannot reach, simply stealing it from the other. there's the rustling of sheets as hua cheng shifts and pulls away, gathering fabric on his lap, before strong hands pull xie lian fully back onto the bed. he gathers him on his lap, mouth instantly going to his throat, each soft kiss he lays across it sucking away the tightness and the pain, as if they were poison, until there's almost nothing left. the shackle is reacting to hua cheng's own power, after all, so it's just fair he should take the consequences for himself. ]
Dianxia couldn't have known I was your familiar. There's no need to apologize. I've been happy here with you either way. [ happier than ever, truly, as each devoted kiss proves. ]
( dianxia. how long has it been since someone called him that? it unfurls something in xie lian's heart while also drawing up pinpricks of shadows. it hurts, and yet it is a kindness to be known. and besides, hua cheng says it with a voice so replete with love that xie lian has less room for the sadness of looking back in time than he might. somehow even compared to a time when that was almost the only way people called him, the name ordained by the stars comes differently off of his familiar's tongue. xie lian does not see it himself, what with his eyes closed, but a faint glow pulses from his entire form, the faintest ripple of something golden and bright. as that light collapses back into him, it is reminiscent of a bloomed lotus closing and disappearing at the same time that hua cheng presses his lips to the tightening shackle.
the brush of hua cheng's mouth to his neck does several things at once: it feels as if the breath is taken from him in one sharp twist, heat spikes through his entire body, and his head falls back, eyes closing, his mouth parted on a surprised "ah".
dazed, he is only vaguely aware as hua cheng draws him closer again and then into his lap, xie lian almost coherent enough to protest except that then hua cheng kisses him again. too little too late, xie lian remembers exactly why he usually wears the white scraps of fabric around his neck, but he never had thought the need to in his own place, even around 'xiao hua'. yet he cannot stop him. in hua cheng's lap, xie lian shifts and arches, throat bared prominently. offered. hua cheng seems to trace his shackle with painstaking acuity, almost reverent and if xie lian was clearer headed he would wonder if this is how it is for all magic users who actually have familiars, if it's 'normal' the way hua cheng sucks at his neck elicits little aching sounds from xie lian's parted lips. even once when he opens his eyes, he cannot see straight, and he quickly closes them again, dizzy and flushed, pink almost red in his cheeks and the tips of his ears and all around his throat. )
What... ( xie lian's voice comes out a little wrecked, breathy and unintentionally almost desperate sounding, )... what did you do?
( one of his hands lifts, trembling visibly, only to push pale fingers into hua cheng's hair, fondly tangling even as xie lian continues, ) ...it...it doesn't hurt...?
( the question is more than one question. over much time, even without his magic, xie lian has somehow come to the point that pain and discomfort whether through injury or otherwise, must be quite severe to register. indeed, he could even survive and endure many spells that others could not as well as substances, and so has been at the behest of various kinds of things across his life, to the point where he might be a little too laid back about such things as testing a spell first to make sure it won't backfire and curse, or trying food to make sure it isn't poisoned or gone bad. a far cry from what the people of the magic world once knew as "taizi dianxia". suffice to say his pain tolerance is as unparalleled as his magic once was.
his shackles are exceptions, and the pain they are capable of imparting is life threatening. it is, after all, a form of control, the chains spanning far and wide, invisible, clutched in the fingers of someone else. yet xie lian had asked for them, and so to him, even if the cause of their aggression is from hua cheng's own magic, xie lian would not want him to bear it. the only reason he doesn't stop him, or try, is that it doesn't occur to him that's precisely what has happened.
rather than get that far in his thinking, instead, breaths softly coming a little too fast, )
...are you...are you alright?
( the hand in hua cheng's hair pets even though he continues to shake. some of it is the overstimulation of hua cheng's magic. some of it is the sensitivity caused by being united with one's familiar, a thing that is different for each pair but in xie lian's case is visceral, an electrification down every nerve, making him burn, emanating enough heat that he's like his own small undying star. just as hua cheng's magic rushed into him as if finally coming home only to not be able to be accepted due to the shackles, it needs to gradually funnel back to its origin. as it does, the rapt tension in xie lian's body also leaves him, letting him collapse completely. his eyes blink, very slow, disoriented, and his body still resonates with a feverish heat. )
[ hua cheng feels such a rush of want when xie lian starts reacting to his kisses that he feels shameful, absolutely blasphemous. his master, his god, his one and only, nestled against him, sitting on his lap, is now baring his throat for him, offering his most vulnerable spot to him, for him to do as he pleases. the wave of lust is intoxicating and, mingled with xie lian's scent filling his nose, hua cheng feels drunk. his desire is so dirty, so unworthy, and yet it's an undying flame eating him up every moment of every day. it's so strong that he cannot hide it and, for the first time, hua cheng is painfully self-conscious: he does not want xie lian to realize what it is, he's terrified of his disapproval. xie lian's study of magic was based on abstinence, after all: how disappointing would it be for his familiar to be full to the brim of what xie lian deprived himself of and never once wanted?
and yet hua cheng is a starved beast, like he was in his youth, just a stray. what taizi dianxia offered, he ravenously took. today it is no different.
that neck is bared for him and hua cheng takes, while those sounds his master makes get seared under his skin like white-hot branding marks. he feels his every nerve tingling when xie lian speaks next and he sounds wrecked, breathless --a horrible thought bubbles up in the back of hua cheng's mind, i want to make him feel so good he'll sound like this again. it's shoved back down, like an unwanted monster pushed back under the surface of a black lake.
hua cheng looks up at him with gaze dripping utmost veneration. xie lian may feel it even with his eyes closed. ]
I kissed you. [ he replies, cheeky, mouth curling into a bratty smirk. ] I kissed it better, gege. Now that I'm here nothing has to hurt anymore. [ because i'll take it all for you. he smiles with his eyes, head tilting into the easy petting and he sighs so happily, eyelashes fluttering in delight. this touch is so gentle, so yearned for, hua cheng will never get tired of it. thanks to it, he can tune out the deep pain in his neck, like fingers are sinking into his throat, trying to snap it. ]
I am. [ he reassures him, turning his head just enough to nuzzle his nose in the other's palm. his voice sounds so steady, it's impossible not to believe him. another may be writhing right now, in his place. but hua cheng got used to degrees of pure, raw suffering that others would not feel in a lifetime. and, anyway, this pain is worth it, for it means his master instead will be safe. that alone is enough.
he can feel his magic flooding his own body back, like the tide is receding from xie lian's frame, and he welcomes it back, since it means the pressure against the other's shackles will loosen and he'll be safer. he can feel how dizzy that's leaving him, though, so he opts for lying back down, tugging xie lian along.
he has him draped on top of his chest, so that his cool skin will dissipate some of that feverish heat, one arm around his tiny waist, his opposite hand stroking his hair. ] I'm sorry... I couldn't stop my magic from filling you. It belongs to you as much as I do. [ he speaks softly, voice a caress as much as his fingers. he presses his lips to his forehead, a frown creasing his eyebrows. what if he's made him sick? the thought makes his whole chest tighten and ache. ] I was lacking, please punish me.
( if xie lian were less dizzy and strangely overwrought, he would be more pursuing of that response, even with how steadily hua cheng delivers it. but for now he accepts, a pleasantness to how hua cheng pulls him along and lets him be close. where normally this amount of contact would send him scrambling, and indeed his heart is racing almost alarmingly fast, even a slight shift that brings them briefly apart causes a twinge that only makes xie lian curl closer, as if they have swapped roles and he is now the cat.
that said, even then, his hand continues to pet through hua cheng's hair, some unconscious and determined desire to soothe. he only stumbles in it when he hears those words, and it is enough to ignore the repeated feeling of no in his blood and nerves as he sits up, which somehow ends with his knees on either side of hua cheng's waist. both of his hands are careful to avoid his hair this time, braced shakily on either side of his head as he looks at him, not frowning exactly but a little sad. it's an odd look probably, because his skin remains flushed pink and his eyes a little blown out, feverish with magic, their connection, and a physical longing so foreign to him he can't even name it.
but his focus is xiao hua. hua cheng. punish? he shifts more of his weight to one hand so he can use the other to, as if hua cheng were very fragile, traipse his fingertips down his jaw and then just frame his face. )
Why would I punish you? You're not lacking at all. Xiao H-- er... Hua Cheng, ( he blushes new when he says his name proper again, because he can feel the thrum of pleasure it induces both ways. his hand stays on his face but his gaze averts, murmuring, a bit flustered, )
... you ... I'm grateful to you.
( only then does he fully realize how possibly suggestive the way he rests on his familiar is, and it is like before when hua cheng changed from cat form to this human form: xie lian jerks back, slipping off of him even though it causes that same sting along every line of consciousness, as if to say he should stay close. the longer they are together, and known to each other now as they are, their connection established and open, the farther apart they can be without discomfort. but that will take time, and even then they will likely find it isn't preferable.
sitting beside hua cheng, on his knees, his one trembling and curled in the extra fabric of his robe, xie lian ducks his head, hair spilling over his shoulder and forward. behind him his other hand curls around his ankle, feeling how it still pulses and wondering if he should be worried. he was supposed to report to jun wu after the second time he was denounced and exiled. such was their private agreement. but he hasn't. choosing instead to go on alone as much as he can. he has caused enough trouble for others, and much of it he could not even fix. he doesn't entirely understand all the proprieties of the shackles. would jun wu have felt that as the one who bound him? he isn't sure.
he shakes his head. what happens, happens.
more importantly...he takes a deep breath, pushing away the dizziness spells, he ends up staring at hua cheng again, taking in how he looks and then wondering when he has ever seen someone this eye catching. probably never. his ears burn, but he smiles at him, truly as grateful as he says and still embarrassingly fond. this time, he lifts the hand from where it's thoroughly crumpled his own robe, only to reach out and pat hua cheng's head, then gently through his hair and again behind his ear. he lets it travel down a little, petting the side of his neck as he would do for him in his cat form, gentle: you did nothing wrong, don't worry. )
[ when xie lian shifts position, hua cheng's throat tightens, the sight above him looking like a result of his imagination. how disgraceful, that this beautiful view is familiar in his dreams, when he wakes up drenched in sweat and breathless, his body embracing that desire that he so desperately tries to resist when awake.
but this shard of reality is even more gorgeous that he could ever conjure up with his mind's eye. xie lian is above him, long, silky hair framing his face and cascading around hua cheng like a protection spell. his flushed face is so beautiful, the softness of his eyes drenching his heart in longing. he wants to hold him and kiss him, apologize for the hurt that made his eyes sad.
his whole body shudders, together with his breathing when his face is touched, eyelashes fluttering. the call of his name has his body slightly arch, the shadow of a moan spilling from his red mouth. if xie lian keeps saying it, they risk to both be in trouble. ]
...gege, I am the grateful one-- [ he's about to say more, how he owes everything he is to his master, but xie lian suddenly moves away as if he got burnt and hua cheng feels a deep pang of pain, resonating through his body as if a limb got removed. too abruptly, too soon, and he winces, his soul protesting against the distance.
he keeps laying and looking at him with his mismatched eyes, unable to restrain the sorrow that not having physical contact gives him. his cruel, unnatural red eye appears particularly human. he smiles in return to the other when his head is petted, the low rumble in his throat much alike a purr as gentle fingers move down to his ear. why do they have to be apart when touching feels so good, when it's the way it should be? why does xie lian dislike being held by him?
hua cheng rolls on his side and he reaches out. they're close enough for his large hand to be able to touch the other's ankle where he's just rubbed it, fingertips tracing the dark marks of his shackle. he would prostrate in front of those feet, let himself be the bones they step on to advance. ]
Gege, won't you lie with me? [ his fingers slip under the hem of his robe, slowly rubbing into his calf. ] You can feel it too, how much it hurts... [ his voice is a little raspy, a little breathless, the pain of not being pressed together mingling with the pleasure of his hand on his neck. he can feel himself crumbling, tugged in two opposite directions at once. ]
( the pain is exponential once it is going both ways and for a moment xie lian's vision goes dark. it is hua cheng's touch to his ankle and then along his calf that steadies him, sight clearing a little. underneath the hurt of not being close enough there yet remains that scintillating feeling of warmth. sucking in a sharp breath, xie lian murmurs as he slowly curls to lie down with him again, not sure where to lie but ending up flush against him in a way he would once again veer back from normally. but this time when their bodies touch even through xie lian's white robe, thin as it is, the relief is as blinding as the pain was. there's a gasping whimper that xie lian muffles into hua cheng's shoulder, sounding both like need and apology. )
Hua...Hua Cheng...ah...
( he barely manages that much and even just that is too heavy and aching, a wantonness to xie lian's voice that he's never had except —
— once there was a garden.
ah. it isn't that xie lian forgot, but it isn't the same as what is happening here and now with hua cheng. even knowing so little, he knows that much. the poison of the flowers of that garden so long ago left him no choice but physical harm to still his mind and subdue any want. but the magic from hua cheng, this connection that feels red and all consuming, isn't cornering xie lian into a choice he does not even want to make. rather, it is asking him: will you accept me?
and that, the answer was already given when he took a black cat in, even not knowing.
once they are touching, xie lian has some awareness even through their very new bond, that his pulling away had harmed hua cheng as well. so his hands pet through his hair and down his face to his neck again and back, over and over — i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm so sorry — even as he keeps his own face pressed to hua cheng's shoulder. xie lian is blisteringly hot now again, and the little desperate noises he tries to mute into hua cheng's skin come paired with warm wet exhales. )
[ when xie lian not only lies down with him, but presses flush against him, there's an exhale, deep, coming straight from the core of his very being, like the incandescent heart of a star. it's relief and happiness and pleasure, all at once. he doesn't even need to think for his arms to wind around him and keep him safe into the width of his chest, marveling at how the other's graceful, minute frame fits so perfectly. the whimper he smothers in his shoulder feels like yet another branding added to the marks his souls is already carrying, each imposed by xie lian through his touch and warmth without even knowing.
he purrs out a noise when his name is called, feeling the echo of it dip along his spine and curl hot in his loins. his desire is becoming impossible to tolerate, not to mention control. he's terrified his body will react but he can't do anything about it. it is the way their connection works, pushing them closer and closer —and it is the way his love works, not bearing to have xie lian far.
he knows how apologetic he is through the tingles of his touch, and he would like to tell him it's okay, they'll work it out together, how this bond functions. yet, he's so overwhelmed he can only focus on how his master sounds, nearly obscene with the way he whimpers in his cold skin, melting it with each breath.
hua cheng can only watch himself act, like he's a puppet on strings, on a stage controlled by lust. he cradles the other's face in his hand and tilts it up, eyes heavy-lidded and nearly panting, and he kisses him. it's chaste just for a moment, the mere pressure of lips together, but it produces such a wave of pleasure, of wholeness, that it quickly turns hungry. hua cheng tastes his lips eagerly with soft, wet sounds, not aggressive, but assertive. learning the other's taste leaves him high and he unwittingly shifts some of his weight forward, partially pressing the older in the mattress under his naked frame, as if he wanted to shield him from the world with his large back. ]
( it takes less than a second for xie lian to melt into hua cheng's touch, the kiss that becomes many kisses making his head spin. his eyes flutter open, then closed, gasping in any moment of pause. with someone else it would send xie lian into an incredibly guarded and defensive state, but hua cheng leans over him, presses down, and all xie lian wants to do is open up for him; a flower in bloom more fitting his familiar's name than his own. )
Hua Cheng ah —
( his name slips out of swollen red lips more a moan than speaking, both of xie lian's arms coming up over his shoulders in a lover's embrace as if he is now the one afraid of any distance between them. their noses brush. xie lian's mouth clumsily touches to his, less about being chaste and more being too disoriented to be more graceful. he just wants and doesn't know how to say it or even what it is. his body feels like there is a red string binding him around his legs, his waist, his chest, his arms, his throat, making him parched, making him desperate, making everything feel — )
Hua Cheng.
( his name like a spell, like 'i love you', like a plea. xie lian's voice breaks. one hand has fisted in that long dark hair, trembling. the other curls white knuckled at the juncture of his neck and shoulder. beneath him, xie lian lies pliant from heat and rigid from exhaustive want all at once, legs parted to let hua cheng rest that much closer to him. it goes against every single teaching, but xie lian's magic has been sealed off for a long, long time except for the little he can borrow. ruoye, having curled like a displeased cat on a nearby nightstand, is a different entity. and over time, xie lian has persisted in both his prison of long-livedness, agelessness, by virtue of perseverance itself and an unparalleled mastery of his qi. even without his magic, in many ways, he is not an easy target, or would not have been were it not for the dispelling of any of his fortune as well. bad luck does seem to find him more often than not.
but not this time.
taking in the black cat xiao hua felt like a blessing, and now under the protective warmth and weight of hua cheng, it feels even truer. it is only in feeling mysteriously safe and whole, soft sounds of need muffled into hua cheng's jaw or throat, that xie lian even vaguely recognizes — if only for a moment — how incomplete he felt before. so now, as close as they are, it is all but impossible to resist the pull, their own natural gravity towards each other. )
[ hua cheng nearly growls when his name is called like that, soaked in desire, enwrapped in a moan, the dangerous noise thankfully pressed down his own throat to hide his monstrosity. their connection exacerbates his lust, his want, his love, to the point every action from xie lian that means acceptance makes his dead heart ache so deeply, like it could still skip beats. like the way arms wrap around his neck, the familiar's incredibly long locks sliding down one shoulder, pooling on the pillow next to xie lian's face. ]
Gege... gege, I'm here. [ he mumbles hoarsely in return, licking eagerly the other's taste behind his teeth and rubbing their tongues together, lewd and needy. legs part to accomodate him and hua cheng groans, accidentally shifting more of his weight down, while elegant fingers wrap around almost the whole circumference of xie lian's lean thigh. he rubs into it, the fabric around his middle finger tickling the smooth skin. his master is so perfect, from head to toe. he wants to worship every inch of his body, he wants to show him how devoted he's been all these centuries, even while they were apart. these kisses too are a way to venerate him.
hua cheng pulls back when he feels xie lian breathing too quickly for comfort, the rise and fall of his chest nearly aching, and he buries his mouth in the side of his neck. he licks at the outline of that shackle all the way to his throat. ] I am yours... I am all for you. [ that is a prayer in itself too: praying to be of use to him. he sucks onto his adam's apple with a breathy, pleased noise, before he realizes what he's done and he exhales shakily, a cold panic creeping under his skin. how dares he marking his master? staining him with more than a fleeting touch? unacceptable.
hua cheng shudders deeply, ashamed, burying his face in his neck to hide himself. his hands stroke his outer thighs, gentle now, light. ] Dianxia, forgive me. I've been so indecent... [ he trails off, clearly meaning to ask for punishment again, but stopping because xie lian disliked that earlier. his voice is raspy and breathless, giving away the want that still lingers in his blood, courses in his veins.
their bond is making it extremely obvious too, whispering to xie lian about how hua cheng belongs to him from head to toe, how xie lian can do anything he wants to him, how he's there to serve and happy to do it. it speaks of his pleasure in being touched and pulled closer, and how absolutely enamoured he is. ]
It's okay, really, it is. ( the words are clearer than he'd hoped, which is a relief, xie lian reaching with both hands to frame hua cheng's face, hoping he can get his familiar to look at him and understand he means it, not just through their bond. easier said than done perhaps, as hazy as everything is through the both foreign and familiar cascade of want still thrumming through both of them. somehow, he steadies his breathing though, and he feels as he himself calms down, so too does some of the anxious energy coming off of hua cheng. even before he trailed off, xie lian could tell. there is a part of hua cheng that looks to answer for any indiscretion through penalty, but the thought only pains him rather than giving any sense of fulfillment or rightness. it isn't as though he knows how this works either, and in his mind the fault — if one calls it that even — is equal.
he makes soft sounds of coaxing, of reassurance, as if hua cheng is once again in is xiao hua form, petting him the same and holding him close, letting him breathe in not just his scent but also the sense of his energy. even shackled as he is, every magic user will have some distinctions, in particular for an entity like a familiar. hua cheng will be able to sense him in every variation of that word in a way no one else can, and the opposite will also be true. )
It's alright, ( a soft repetition, xie lian kisses hua cheng's crown, and while his body still trembles ever so slightly, it's mitigated by the overarching calm he exudes. warm. open. safe. he doesn't want hua cheng to feel bad but he also doesn't want to order him how to feel. instead, he tries to convey his own feelings through their bond. it's a little clumsy, needing practice, but even in that, xie lian is a quick learner. a fumbling thread of lightness that fizzles out half way to his familiar, is followed by a stronger one, a temperate glow of something stable and replete with trust: you've done nothing wrong, in my eyes. )
Thank you for finding me.
( whispered into hua cheng's hair, he closes his eyes, sighing softly, still running his fingers through the length of it, the other hand curled protective underneath it at his nape. )
[ it is quite unbecoming, to need to be reassured like this, as if there's no difference between now and when he merely was a pet. hua cheng cannot help but smile though, as his face is sweetly cradled and he looks back into those beautiful hazel eyes, before his mismatched ones shy away, looking down.
punishment is what hua cheng always received from those around him, for the sin of being born with a red eye and so probably the influence of an unlucky star. constantly chased away and harassed even for things he didn't do, he doesn't know any other way for his wrongs or shortcomings to be fixed that isn't being punished. xie lian is the first who's so generous.
he laughs breathily in his neck, inhaling his scent as much as his presence, the feeling of his power and his qi. he basks in it all as if it was sunlight. and then warmth does come, not just from the other's body but through their bond and hua cheng shivers deeply, unused to it. it's like a physical touch reaching behind his ribs and soothing his soul, caressing it like xie lian's fingers do his locks. ]
Gege... [ he calls breathlessly, a small whine pressed into his throat. their bond will make him go crazy one day, he's sure of it. he's so close to xie lian thanks to it, closer than anyone else could ever hope to be. that in itself is worth having sacrificed so much of himself and his life for power.
he hums low in his throat at the older's words, smiling shyly to himself as he hugs him tight now, forgetting himself to the point that he's pressing most of his weight on him. he squeezes him gently, nuzzles into his neck, much like his cat self. ]
Thank you for taking me in. [ he smiles and that content expression is still on his face as he shifts lower so that his chin can rest on the other's chest, and he can admire him from there. ] Gege, could you call me San Lang? You know how it feels when you call my real name... [ he rests the side of his face against his sternum, the flimsy fabric of his robe, smiling cheekily. he's sure xie lian has felt that ripple of pleasure too; it'd be quite dangerous to keep toying with it. ]
( sometimes, in the days before this, xiao hua would rub his head against the back of xie lian's hand or ankle. or xiao hua would sit watchful on a corner of the bed or in the windowsill. and these were all such simple innocuous things that it struck xie lian as curious how sometimes he found himself lost for breath. had he really been so lonely? but it wasn't just that. xiao hua brought with him a familiarity that was both undeniable but also mysterious, and even now, knowing him for his true form, xie lian peers down at him, experiencing it all over again. undoubtedly hua cheng can feel it through their bond: the fluctuation of his heart, the stutter of his breath, the anxiety of both not knowing but also still trusting, all of it softened as he has something to focus on in hua cheng's words.
his cheeks bloom pink as his head jerks in a slight nod. ah...he looks away, finding the edges of the sheets fascinating as he replies, warm if a bit self conscious, )
Oh um yes, ah yes that's...yes. ( his heart quickened like so many butterflies, he tries the requested name out and finds even that is familiar too, a comfortable shape and warmth on his tongue, ) San Lang.
( saying it feels so nice that he ends up looking back at him, reaching behind hua cheng's head with both hands to idly begin braiding his hair. certainly from this angle it's a little odd and it's not very neat, but something in their bond asks that he keep touching even in small, intimate but arguably harmless ways. )
I like it...it suits you.
( one hand leaves off on the braid, fingertips trailing forward to graze his temple, and then his cheek. the resonant heat of their bond is as calming as it is thrilling, running along his every nerve and nestling into each of his breaths. it's such a wholeness that it almost hurts, but then it isn't truly pain; just the excruciating nature of feeling everything of another being. you feel so familiar, he thinks but does not say, distracted as ruoye decides it has had enough and flits down to slip back around xie lian's forearm with all the air of a child tugging on a guardian's sleeve. )
[ he feels xie lian's heart picking up its pace both through their bond and with how close they are, outright hearing his heartbeat since he has his ear pressed to his chest. it makes him smile even more, though it's an expression that holds more cheekiness than ever. xie lian will get used to it, since it's the most common way hua cheng's lips curl, paired with the dancing amusement in his eyes, like he doesn't take anything or anyone seriously.
he likes when xie lian's cheeks become so pink and he reaches out, a cold hand going to stroke it, cooling and affectionate at once. his eyes narrow into crescents for a moment, happy, when his name is called.
he sighs happily, eyes fluttering shut when his hair starts getting braided, one hand stroking his master's side and the opposite drawing invisible lines on his chest, above the fabric. it's amusing how xie lian is so lost in their bond that he seems to completely overlook the fact hua cheng is still very naked while on top of him, the more hair he braids, the more his pale skin is in views —not that he minds, it all belongs to the older. he could fall asleep like this, more loved than he's ever been in his entire existence, accepted as a whole, in the place where he's supposed to be, his master's arms.
that is, until the other brat who lives here makes an appearance and hua cheng opens his eyes, looking at ruoye unamused. just to have xie lian's attention shift onto him again he catches the opposite arm the silk band wraps around and he starts kissing the other's hand, starting from his heel and then peppering pecks all over his palm. were ruoye to peek its head out again, hua cheng would look at it with smugness all over his features, look who's getting more attention from master.
as if on cue, someone else who likes master peeks out —it's the small ruby attached to hua cheng's black collar, mounted on silver. the light on it shifts and an eye opens, hua cheng humming from his throat when he feels it. ] No. Dianxia may have heard about you, but that doesn't mean it wants to meet you. [ hua cheng huffs, fingers going to flick at his collar. that doesn't deter it because the eye blinks faster, until the familiar has to sigh. ]
You like magical artifacts, don't you, gege? Have you heard about E'ming?
( dizzy with their connection, soothed by the motions of hua cheng's fingers, a little overwhelmed just from the way hua cheng looks at him, xie lian's hands pause about halfway through braiding, seeming for all the world like he might drift off into something like sleep. he doesn't, not drowsy so much as delirious with overstimulation, and this so far protects him from his own would-be self consciousness or shyness. even as his eyes are about to register hua cheng's precise state of undress, his familiar starts to lavish kisses to his hand in a way that makes him sigh and stutter for air briefly. xie lian's eyes, low-lidded, find his, murmuring to ruoye briefly to be good since he can feel it wrapping and re-wrapping around his arm, the way it does when it gets defensive.
hua cheng's words make him blink, peering at the flicker of red. it had been a part of his collar, but the magic emanating from it feels new, or newly awakened, somehow connected to hua cheng himself. thinking this, xie lian's gaze flits back and forth. )
En....I do, but I'm sorry...I haven't heard of E'ming, but I would like to.
( tentatively his free hand reaches towards the blinking eye, using just the curve of his fingertip to smooth along what is arguably the frame or the eyelid, depending how you look at it. the trilling sort of noise it makes is compounded by the childlike happiness, almost giddy, and it floods xie lian's senses in a way that is golden and incredibly pure. and again there is that feeling of something...familiar. something known. but he cannot discern precisely what. he blinks, still peering at the eye that seems for all the world to be smiling, giving it most of his attention despite how ruoye peeks out of his sleeve again. it's only when he feels it tickling along the back of his arm that he once again offers it reassurance, smiling in turn, first ruoye, then e'ming, then hua cheng, lingering on the last...
...which leads to him finally noticing the obvious this whole time: hua cheng was not wearing clothes as a cat, so of course he isn't magically wearing any as a person! the spring pink in xie lian's complexion blooms to a burning red and he ends up reclaiming both his hands just to cover his face. since his palms are pressed a bit tightly, his words get muffled against them, )
S-San Lang...let me...ah...get you something...you know...to wear...?
( and then he splays his fingers and peeks through them anyway to at least look at his face, laughing sheepishly still into his own hands. )
Ha... ha I can't...um... believe I didn't ...offer before!
( yes he can. he was rather in a near bewitched state after all, as close to drunk as he has ever been off of the waking of their bond, which even now seems to wend around them like an unbreakable red string. )
[ e'ming's initial disappointment is quickly replaced by pure happiness, the simple and earnest kind that suits a child, upon being touched and acknowledged. hua cheng shakes his head at how needy his eye is, though he fails to see that is exactly how he's like as well —he just doesn't want xie lian to regard him as childish, but rather cool and manly, and so he direly holds onto his self-restraint even when he's tempted to kick his feet.
he simply appreciates the warmth of the other's frame underneath him as his master dotes on e'ming and tries to keep ruoye under control. until, there's a wave of utter embarrassment that takes his breath away, definitely not coming from him, and hua cheng raises his gaze to xie lian questioningly, that precious hand stolen from his touch to hide the older's face.
ah, it seems he eventually realized. hua cheng can't help smiling to himself, amused. it becomes even more adoring when the other peeks at him through fingers. the need to tease him bubbles up. ]
I don't want to. [ he claims cheekily, looking at xie lian even as he drags his nose on his chest, lips brushing against the thin fabric at each word. ] If you do that, we'll have to part and I want to stay as close as possible. [ his voice is low and warm, wetted by the noise of his lips. he lays his cheek on the other's sternum again and breathes deeply.
in that position, the view is not as explicit as it could be. there's the width of his shoulders and the dip of his spine, the ripples of his back muscles and the mounts of his buttocks, skin as pale as moonlight. ]
I can get dressed in the morning. [ he offers, mouth pressing right at the junction between the two halves of xie lian's robe, so partially on fabric and partially directly on skin. ] Gege always used to tell me that Xiao Hua didn't have to worry about my lack of clothes. [ he's entirely being a brat now, lips grazing upwards, leaving a string of pecks that ends right below the hollow of his collar bones. he gives it a soft lap, as if he still was xiao hua at all. ]
All you see, gege, from head to toe... It all belongs to you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
as discussed, witch/familiar au
but he's glad he can finally feel his power creeping in, tingling pleasantly under his skin like electricity. this form means he'll be stronger, he'll manage to defend xie lian even better, until he's completely oblivious to the risks and threats around him because hua cheng has obliterated them. he will also be able to infuse more luck into him, whether he needs it or not.
hua cheng can't deny though, there are selfish reasons too. he wants xie lian to look at him, the real him. he wants to answer him when his name is called. he wants to touch him and hold him in his arms and... ah-- hua cheng can't help picturing all sorts of affection. it's taboo between master and servant bound by the kind of contract they share. and yet he's greedy, to the point that he sometimes influences xie lian's dreams until his blurry outline appears in them, cuddling the older to his chest and kissing the top of his head. he doubts xie lian remembers those dreams, because he never mentions them.
hua cheng stirs from his curled position on top of the covers and stretches deep, yawning as even his pointy ears press against the top of his head. he feels power expanding at every inch of the moon that's cast in shadow. the moment the pale surface is swallowed by darkness, hua cheng turns.
endlessly long, inky black hair pools on the blanket and slips down from the edge of the bed; fair, lean limbs stretch, long and strong legs, a chiseled abdomen and a wide back; his thin lips curl into a taunting smile, while mismatched eyes shine of their own light. hua cheng is naked and he tangles his legs in the topmost cover so his modesty will be hidden by it, without him getting into physical contact with his master.
languidly laying on his side, his gaze is enamoured, as he presses his elbow on the pillow and leans his face against the heel of his hand. the red string xie lian tied to his paw is still there, around his middle finger, and so is the collar around his neck. his free hand cards through xie lian's smooth hair as the moon frees itself from the cage of shadow, flooding the room in pale light. hua cheng is so excited that his power near crackles under his skin.
he feels a deep shiver when he accidentally grazes the other's ear and he doesn't know if it's the intensity of his attraction, or their bond shivering in pleasure at how they're connected even more deeply now. ]
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this is a small town. a general store. a flower shop. a grocer. xie lian had wandered here...when? a little after he first saw xiao hua, but before he took him in. it's a much smaller place than the massive city he was born in, but somehow over the moons, he's become more at home here than he's felt in quite a while. xiao hua helped with that. and though he's "just a cat", there's nothing "just" or "only" about another living being, about a part of your life that makes you smile or feel strangely comforted even if you do not particularly feel you deserve it.
what a simple and bone deep kindness it has been in xie lian's life these days and nights, to curl up with xiao hua who lets him do such silly things as tie a red string around his paw and tell him nonsense secrets that are almost, almost wishes: "xiao hua. look. now, no matter what, i can find you." then xie lian had blushed under that odd blue light of the moon before eclipse, laughed at himself and murmured, "well, as long as you want to..." and like that he'd fallen asleep, one pale hand curled against xiao hua's soft belly.
the magic in xie lian's family has had strong witches before, but xie lian had left even those in the dust. welcomed into another coven known as "immortals", xie lian had left his own blood at 17, only to return when he had word of things falling apart. he hadn't been able to help them and indeed is the reason for the deaths of many. even in modern times, a villain is a villain and a poison is a poison. one drinks water. one burns witches — those who aren't useful anyway, those damned by fortune. so on. so forth.
around xie lian's wrist and ankle: a shackle. if one catches a glimpse, it is easy to write them off as poor decisions of youth, tattoos after one too many drinks (not true, as xie lian's magic cultivation roots in abstinence from such things). his magic is, these days, quite limited and his luck hysterically bad. but the story no one knows other than xie lian himself is that he asked for these. but would it ever be enough to make up for...?
such is the contortion of xie lian's nightmares, moments of painful enclosure or fire and smoke, or a white strip of fabric innocuous to anyone else, the self-same one that lives in waking life wrapped around xie lian's wrist (usually.) since inviting xiao hua in, he has noticed the nightmares are less, but perhaps the eclipse strengthens more than one thing. those nightmares recede though in tandem with "xiao hua" becoming himself, becoming hua cheng even as xie lian still remains entangled in sleep — sleep that does not appear troubled at all, because xie lian taught himself years ago to not make a fuss, awake or not. still, it might be more obvious in his spirit, how it settles in alignment with hua cheng settling into his proper form, like a deep breath taken after too long of being deprived.
it also wakes xie lian up.
he blinks, eyes heavy, woken in the midst of things, and instinctively spreads his fingers, pushes his palm forward to search blearily for xiao hua...
...???
....??!!?!?
what he touches is not the soft silky black fur of xiao hua but something firm, and warm and...and...? as xie lian's vision finally focuses he decides must not be awake after all, follows the too handsome man's face down his bare chest ???? to his stomach where ---
xie lian snatches his hand back buries his face in his hands, then remembers how that hand was touching a second ago and unburies his face, scrambling backwards and utterly forgetting how perfect sized though this bed has been for him and a small black cat...well...
he feels his balance go off kilter and both arms flail wildly even as he shoots another confused, but very very awake look at...
who on earth is this? )
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Gege, don't forget the bed is barely big enough for us. [ he reminds him gently, the shadow of a tease in his tone. he knows perfectly why panic ensued and xie lian moved away so abruptly, but he treats it as if the other did it just because of sleepiness.
with the frames of two young men, the single bed is terribly small, to the point that hua cheng hooks one of his long legs against the other's, blanket shielding them from physical contact. his hands have been lingering around his elbows, chests facing one another to the point they almost graze at each inhale. xie lian is warm from embarrassment and hua cheng basks in the way that spreads his scent all around him, envelops him. that's one of the things he's loved, of sharing such closeness with xie lian all this time: being drenched in his scent, belonging to him so intimately without the other even realizing. ]
Did you have a nightmare again? [ he wonders if xie lian ever has dreams that aren't bad at all. not even his breathing changes, his self-control so deeply-rooted, yet he can feel the shifts in his magic while he sleeps, the spikes it reaches when he feels threatened.
hua cheng takes his hand and brings it to his face, leaning his cheek into his palm and smiling at him sweetly. his behaviour is so terribly similar to that affectionate black cat, xie lian is bound to notice it. he presses his lips to the heel of his hand. ] Gege, I've always been here by your side. Don't you recognize me? [ his eye smile is just like the way xiao hua narrowed his eyes in happiness and affection upon looking at him, his red eye not menacing at all.
he leads his hand to the top of his head, drags it to stroke his hair, just like xie lian always stroked his fur. ] I want gege to always find me. [ he mutters, voice low and nearly sultry, replying to the words he told him when he gifted him that red thread. ]
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— . . .
don't you recognize me?
details come into focus. the color of the eyes. the red string. the collar. even the way that face leans into his hand.
!?
it can't be.
and yet, when xie lian reaches out to feel for that familiar magic that had always gently surrounded xiao hua, it's as good as confirmation, despite it being so much stronger, overwhelming even, all but radiating off of the person holding him. his own heart is out of control, and the hand not held to the other's face is still pressed to his own face, sort of covering it sort of not, fingers splayed. magic signatures are what non magic users might equate to unique as fingerprints. there are no two just alike, no matter the origins.
xie lian's mind goes in circles until he can't remember what he was asked first, and out of habit he shakes his head. nightmares...it doesn't matter. it's fine.
ah. )
...Xiao Hua?
( he refrains from commenting that the bed was perfectly big enough just moments ago, even the slight shift of his body causing them to touch so he goes still. but when he breathes in, it's xiao hua but not. it's...like his magic, much stronger, the shape a little different, as if xie lian had been exposed to only the outermost ring of something secret and personal. his scent is both the same and different too, and it makes xie lian's head spin, floods his sense of smell and taste. he was already warm, flushed pink in all the telltale places, and that doesn't show any signs of changing any time soon, xie lian having a moment of insanity in which he almost leans forward to bury his face against a very human neck the way he would have also done with xiao hua...er xiao hua the cat. he stops himself beforehand, but it doesn't do much to curtail his inner embarrassment.
whenever xie lian would change, he noticed xiao hua would disappear into another room or hide his face. he would laugh and talk to him and tell him it's okay, not sincerely thinking it was a matter of modesty. xiao hua walked around without clothes every day after all! a point xie lian made to him affectionately off and on. now...
ahhhh....
the internal screaming might take a while.
xie lian's sleep clothes are akin to a sleeping hanfu, plain and white. simple. strangely he feels very at home in this ensemble, if one could call it that. though when he goes out to collect scraps from the local shops or forage in the nearby forests, he dresses much more subtly. with all his scrambling and almost falling, the robe has come loose, threatening to skew off of one shoulder but xie lian is so caught up in xiao hua — was it the eclipse?! will he change back?! ahhh....— he doesn't notice it at all. )
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Did gege like my other form better? I can change back. [ he offers, upon seeing him so lost and feeling the embarrassment that burns his insides, as much as his cheeks. hua cheng's thumb rubs against xie lian's middle finger and a red thread just like his own appears, tied neatly into a ribbon. ] So I will never lose gege either. [ his eyes narrow happily, unexpected softness over such sharp, cold features.
his gaze brushes against the other's pretty face and slides down the elegant column of his neck, following the milky white skin to his nearly bare shoulder. he wants to kiss it, he wants to bite it. he can picture all too well how the mark of his teeth would look across it and his power bubbles up, excited. he could cover him in marks, hickeys imbued with magic, so that nobody ever dares getting close to him, sensing that he belongs to hua cheng and they would burn were they to lay a finger on him.
he's gathered power for centuries, greedy and hungry for it just so he could accumulate enough to protect xie lian effectively. he's always been his familiar, even when they weren't together; always acted for his sake, even if the other didn't know.
now the planets have aligned, the sacrifices have been offered and the spells have been chanted; a shadow was cast on the moon and hua cheng is nearly born anew, all his efforts leading to this one moment.
he reaches out to gently tuck his bangs behind his ear, black nails careful not to graze against his skin, and then his pads brush down along the shell of it and wander to his shoulder. he resists the temptation, unsure whether his lust spilled already in the other's mind, and he fixes the fabric. ]
My appearance may have changed but I will serve you just like I've done so far, master. I am yours all the same. [ how naturally he speaks such words, the way he looks at xie lian giving him away, like the older hung the stars in the sky, his one and only sun. ] I hope I have not scared you. [ his eyelashes flutter and he looks down, as if ashamed of such a thing. ]
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( he's as eager to reassure him as he is to make sense of the flood of heat coursing through him, making him dizzy. the feverish warmth in his cheeks seems everywhere now, and he shivers with each touch, unconsciously leaning into it. the word "master" is a bit sobering though, in that it confuses him, and xie lian raises his head as the other lowers his gaze. he blinks, dumbfounded, then reaches out one hand -- the one without the string, which stays in the other's hold -- to pet at his face and then scratch behind his ear before catching himself! he's still treating him like a cat! his fingers freeze there and self conscious sheepish laughter trickles up again as xie lian...
starts to babble. )
Ah ha...well. I sorry what? "Master"? You don't have to call me that...um. And I'm not scared, really I'm not! I was just surprised. Xiao Hua is welcome in any form he likes. I, you know, it's...and maybe I'll open the window. It is sort of warm, isn't it?
( and xie lian has just pulled away, one leg off the bed before he stops again, looking over his shoulder, )
...or is Xiao Hua cold? You don't have fur anymore...
( he sort of knows he sounds ridiculous but he's overwhelmed. the heat from before hasn't rescinded. it tingles along his every nerve and indeed makes xie lian lose his balance now. some of it is his magic responding to the near full fledged form of the being he has not yet understood is his familiar. some of it is "xiao hua"'s feelings. and some of it is xie lian's feelings. it's just that he's never actually had those before, not in this way at least. even as he tries to remember the foundational spells he was meant to use to practice and grow his magic, spells of purity and abstinence, but none of them come. )
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he hums with his deep voice, leaning into the touch to his face and sighing pleased at the scratching behind his ear, clearly still liking what he did when he was a cat. he purses his lips in a childidh pout when xie lian suddenly retreats his hand. it's obvious he doesn't mind still being doted on the way it happened when he was just a pet.
the older's laugh is so cute, he admires him with adoration dripping from his gaze, no attempt to hide it.
hua cheng looks displeased when the other scoots away and almost shifts off the bed, but his gaze lights up with mischief when he stops and looks back.
hua cheng shuffles from his position, forgetting about the blankets and his nakedness as he settles behind xie lian. arms wrap around his waist, sturdy chest presses against his back and a cascade of inky locks spills onto the older's shoulders as the familiar tucks his face in the side of the other's neck. he shamelessly breathes him in, deep. he loves his scent, he loves having it all over himself. it was easier when he was smaller, just a cat, but he can make it happen now too. ]
I'm so cold, gege. Don't leave. [ he indeed is cold, but it's his own condition, he can hardly grow warm at all. there were many things he sacrificed for power and the characteristics of a human are among those. ]
Gege, can't we cuddle like we used to? [ his voice resembles entirely a purr, while his nose rubs into the other's neck. ] I want to be close to you.
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You're...very cold. Xiao Hua....Xiao Hua...are you okay?
( the abrupt panic from being flustered becomes panic from worry, the squeeze of xie lian's heart undoubtedly felt through the connection he still has not fully understood nor recognized. blindly he reaches back with a hand, tripping through the long soft black hair until he can pet him, however awkwardly. with his other hand he soothes along his arm back and forth as he might have along the whole of his cat form's back. )
Mm...that...um. Well.
( nerves dance in the borderline laugh of xie lian's voice, still confused, but then finding composure, not able to use magic so much anymore due to the shackles on his ankle and neck, but not everything is bound to his magic. there's a separation between that and his qi, which is part of what has endured him this far. still petting as much as he can, he relaxes, and there it is again: a near overwhelming flood of warmth and power. his heart beats a little faster, and though he's as warm as a small sun right now, xie lian shivers. he can feel it, this magic or magic adjacent thing right down to the tips of his fingers. not his.
but...?
the curious white strip of fabric that has been with him so long now unfurls itself to fly around and investigate xiao hua's new form, leery but also drawn. and xie lian gently chides, )
Ruoye leave him alone.
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I'm okay, gege. I... simply do not have warmth in this form. [ he tries to explain it as simply as he can. it's not a lie, per se. he doesn't want to tell xie lian that he's not entirely alive, not anymore. he's something that lingers far beyond that, in darkness and spooky tales told to children so they won't go out at night on their own. he doesn't want to make him worry even more --and truthfully, a part of him fears rejection. would xie lian be disgusted, being touched by the dead?
he sighs, the pleasured puff of breath accidentally pressed against the other's ear, when he starts getting petted again, tilting his head into it. he yearns for xie lian to never stop touching him. every moment they're this close, skin rubbing together and fingers buried in his hair, their magic entwines and hua cheng's feeds xie lian, a nearly dry seedling growing steadily into a sapling.
hua cheng watches amused ruoye and, out of xie lian's line of sight, he sticks the tip of his tongue out to tease it. he holds him a little tighter as he rubs the tip of his nose against the shell of xie lian's ear, all while looking at the strip of silk. he seems to be telling it that it's not the only one who can wrap itself around xie lian anymore. ]
Gege... now do you know who I am? [ he wonders, voice soft and deep whispered in his ear. of course he's xiao hua, but that's not what he means. ] Can you feel who I am? [ as he floods their bond with his pure magic, like he's touching the older through every nerve ending, along each muscle and down to the tip of his long locks. they're one thing. xie lian ought to know what hua cheng is to him. ]
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the matter of familiars is commonly known, but not all magic users have them, not even very powerful ones. indeed, xie lian has never seen jun wu with such a being, nor even some other showier individuals. yet it is a truth that only those of considerable ability have the chance to find and connect with them, or be found by them.
with most of his magic sealed and his "fortune" dispersed, xie lian had thought himself far beyond that likelihood.
but he feels the way the body behind him wraps around him, the surge of energy, the electrification of all his nerves as if strung almost too tight but in a vibrant way. each exhale, each spoken word, shoots down along xie lian's spine and seems to threaten to shake him apart. it's not that his body as a vessel cannot handle it, but it's been so long...and xie lian had forgotten, perhaps, what it is like to feel good.
not "okay", not "fine", not even "better".
just good.
it feels like home.
though his concern over the other's coldness abates a little, there are yet tendrils of it beneath his own exponential warmth, which funnels back into where the magic comes to him, letting them wind around each other not unlike how the two bodies in bed look now. a fierce blush stains his cheeks but xie lian is so hot all over he actually cannot feel the difference, speaking and feeling a little delirious too, )
Xiao Hua... ( no, there is another name, the turning of a key, the alighting of a butterfly on a fingertip, a red string that always leads home, ah... ) ...Hua Cheng.
( a true name, especially of his familiar, is a strong thing. unlike other mythos, it need not remain secret. it has a physicality to it that rests like a broad palm against xie lian's heart as soon as he says it, his pulse slowing and then quickening almost maddeningly fast with recognition. mine.
his very own.
the hand in hua cheng's hair goes still only because xie lian has to focus on breathing, dizzy with heat and the over abundance of magic. )
I'm sorry... ( he gasps through caught breaths, petting him again but distinctly clumsier this time. )... I didn't know...
( in his perceived prime, none could best xie lian in magic or theory or anything else. magic users and non magic users adored him the same. a young prodigy belonging to the people. but it has been a very, very long time since then. xie lian has learned much that he never could have known before his fall from grace and repute. time in and of itself is unforgiving though, and the shackles that seem to tighten threateningly now, as if responding to this surge of power, did not help. the hand not in hua cheng's hair lifts to his own throat, nails digging ever so slightly, as his mind whirls on.
yet to not recognize one's own familiar! did xiao hua...no, hua cheng...feel rejected? even if he did, once he found xie lian he could not have left, bound as they are. worry resurfaces but it's interlaced with a deep and unconditional fondness. if (when) he learns the entirety of hua cheng's form, he will be neither disgusted nor anything else negative.
another thing about time: that once when xie lian was truly the age he looks, saved a cat. it was his coming of age ceremony, in a sense, and the interruption was frowned upon, xie lian reprimanded as much as one could do at the time. no one could see the importance, where to xie lian the importance was all there was to see: if he could save them, then of course he would. he had bespelled himself with flying magic, also against the rules, technically until after his ceremony, but he hadn't wanted to frighten the animal, knowing many did not respond well to enchantments of any kind; and true, cats could even often be immune. soon after, the council fell into chaos. to his own knowledge, xie lian saw the cat a few more times, offering it food or shelter all of those times, first aid once too, and then never again.
so when hua cheng asks do you know who i am there are many layers to it, but for now, xie lian only manages the connection of familiar. )
no subject
those two syllables spoken by xie lian resonate within him, his heart shivering in anticipation and weakness; that voice reaches deep, almost physical in how it strokes his soul, reaches every nerve ending, echoes in each heartbeat. for a moment xie lian's ownership over him hurts with how whole, all-encompassing it is. each of his breaths belongs to xie lian, each of his thoughts, every inch that makes him, flesh and bones and blood.
xie lian could tear him apart and make him anew, crush him just for the sake of it and he would only thank him.
that is the destiny of familiars, devoted to their master to the point they're a rarity. it is not simply an oath of obedience they make, but one of possession. they belong to their master heart and soul and cannot exist without them. were their master to disappear, their fate would be the same. not only they cannot break their promise and serve another, but their master can do with them what they wish, even deciding to absorb their power to increase their own, even when it means killing them. it's such a one-way contract, it's not difficult to see why it's rare.
and so hua cheng cannot blame xie lian for not having known. now it is simply the way it should've been from the start: they're together.
hua cheng's hold around him has accidentally tightened and when he realizes he instantly loosens it, though he doesn't dare to stop touching him or put any distance between them. he needs the contact more than he needs air. ]
Thank you for calling my name, dianxia. [ hua cheng exhales shakily, still trying to recover from the wave of emotions. had he been standing, his legs surely would've grown weak. he tries to avoid calling him "master" now, though that's what he is, with how xie lian made clear he did not like that.
he can feel the tightness around the other's throat too and he bows his head, pressing his lips to the dark mark. hua cheng could remove it for xie lian, at the expense of pure power and his own life, but he finds himself selfish for a little bit more time with him. so he simply soothes the pain, by taking it all for himself through their connection and keeping it hidden from the other. were xie lian to force him, hua cheng couldn't hide anything from him, but he knows him well enough to be aware that won't ever be the case.
so he stores the pain in a part of himself their connection cannot reach, simply stealing it from the other. there's the rustling of sheets as hua cheng shifts and pulls away, gathering fabric on his lap, before strong hands pull xie lian fully back onto the bed. he gathers him on his lap, mouth instantly going to his throat, each soft kiss he lays across it sucking away the tightness and the pain, as if they were poison, until there's almost nothing left. the shackle is reacting to hua cheng's own power, after all, so it's just fair he should take the consequences for himself. ]
Dianxia couldn't have known I was your familiar. There's no need to apologize. I've been happy here with you either way. [ happier than ever, truly, as each devoted kiss proves. ]
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the brush of hua cheng's mouth to his neck does several things at once: it feels as if the breath is taken from him in one sharp twist, heat spikes through his entire body, and his head falls back, eyes closing, his mouth parted on a surprised "ah".
dazed, he is only vaguely aware as hua cheng draws him closer again and then into his lap, xie lian almost coherent enough to protest except that then hua cheng kisses him again. too little too late, xie lian remembers exactly why he usually wears the white scraps of fabric around his neck, but he never had thought the need to in his own place, even around 'xiao hua'. yet he cannot stop him. in hua cheng's lap, xie lian shifts and arches, throat bared prominently. offered. hua cheng seems to trace his shackle with painstaking acuity, almost reverent and if xie lian was clearer headed he would wonder if this is how it is for all magic users who actually have familiars, if it's 'normal' the way hua cheng sucks at his neck elicits little aching sounds from xie lian's parted lips. even once when he opens his eyes, he cannot see straight, and he quickly closes them again, dizzy and flushed, pink almost red in his cheeks and the tips of his ears and all around his throat. )
What... ( xie lian's voice comes out a little wrecked, breathy and unintentionally almost desperate sounding, )... what did you do?
( one of his hands lifts, trembling visibly, only to push pale fingers into hua cheng's hair, fondly tangling even as xie lian continues, ) ...it...it doesn't hurt...?
( the question is more than one question. over much time, even without his magic, xie lian has somehow come to the point that pain and discomfort whether through injury or otherwise, must be quite severe to register. indeed, he could even survive and endure many spells that others could not as well as substances, and so has been at the behest of various kinds of things across his life, to the point where he might be a little too laid back about such things as testing a spell first to make sure it won't backfire and curse, or trying food to make sure it isn't poisoned or gone bad. a far cry from what the people of the magic world once knew as "taizi dianxia". suffice to say his pain tolerance is as unparalleled as his magic once was.
his shackles are exceptions, and the pain they are capable of imparting is life threatening. it is, after all, a form of control, the chains spanning far and wide, invisible, clutched in the fingers of someone else. yet xie lian had asked for them, and so to him, even if the cause of their aggression is from hua cheng's own magic, xie lian would not want him to bear it. the only reason he doesn't stop him, or try, is that it doesn't occur to him that's precisely what has happened.
rather than get that far in his thinking, instead, breaths softly coming a little too fast, )
...are you...are you alright?
( the hand in hua cheng's hair pets even though he continues to shake. some of it is the overstimulation of hua cheng's magic. some of it is the sensitivity caused by being united with one's familiar, a thing that is different for each pair but in xie lian's case is visceral, an electrification down every nerve, making him burn, emanating enough heat that he's like his own small undying star. just as hua cheng's magic rushed into him as if finally coming home only to not be able to be accepted due to the shackles, it needs to gradually funnel back to its origin. as it does, the rapt tension in xie lian's body also leaves him, letting him collapse completely. his eyes blink, very slow, disoriented, and his body still resonates with a feverish heat. )
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and yet hua cheng is a starved beast, like he was in his youth, just a stray. what taizi dianxia offered, he ravenously took. today it is no different.
that neck is bared for him and hua cheng takes, while those sounds his master makes get seared under his skin like white-hot branding marks. he feels his every nerve tingling when xie lian speaks next and he sounds wrecked, breathless --a horrible thought bubbles up in the back of hua cheng's mind, i want to make him feel so good he'll sound like this again. it's shoved back down, like an unwanted monster pushed back under the surface of a black lake.
hua cheng looks up at him with gaze dripping utmost veneration. xie lian may feel it even with his eyes closed. ]
I kissed you. [ he replies, cheeky, mouth curling into a bratty smirk. ] I kissed it better, gege. Now that I'm here nothing has to hurt anymore. [ because i'll take it all for you. he smiles with his eyes, head tilting into the easy petting and he sighs so happily, eyelashes fluttering in delight. this touch is so gentle, so yearned for, hua cheng will never get tired of it. thanks to it, he can tune out the deep pain in his neck, like fingers are sinking into his throat, trying to snap it. ]
I am. [ he reassures him, turning his head just enough to nuzzle his nose in the other's palm. his voice sounds so steady, it's impossible not to believe him. another may be writhing right now, in his place. but hua cheng got used to degrees of pure, raw suffering that others would not feel in a lifetime. and, anyway, this pain is worth it, for it means his master instead will be safe. that alone is enough.
he can feel his magic flooding his own body back, like the tide is receding from xie lian's frame, and he welcomes it back, since it means the pressure against the other's shackles will loosen and he'll be safer. he can feel how dizzy that's leaving him, though, so he opts for lying back down, tugging xie lian along.
he has him draped on top of his chest, so that his cool skin will dissipate some of that feverish heat, one arm around his tiny waist, his opposite hand stroking his hair. ] I'm sorry... I couldn't stop my magic from filling you. It belongs to you as much as I do. [ he speaks softly, voice a caress as much as his fingers. he presses his lips to his forehead, a frown creasing his eyebrows. what if he's made him sick? the thought makes his whole chest tighten and ache. ] I was lacking, please punish me.
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that said, even then, his hand continues to pet through hua cheng's hair, some unconscious and determined desire to soothe. he only stumbles in it when he hears those words, and it is enough to ignore the repeated feeling of no in his blood and nerves as he sits up, which somehow ends with his knees on either side of hua cheng's waist. both of his hands are careful to avoid his hair this time, braced shakily on either side of his head as he looks at him, not frowning exactly but a little sad. it's an odd look probably, because his skin remains flushed pink and his eyes a little blown out, feverish with magic, their connection, and a physical longing so foreign to him he can't even name it.
but his focus is xiao hua. hua cheng. punish? he shifts more of his weight to one hand so he can use the other to, as if hua cheng were very fragile, traipse his fingertips down his jaw and then just frame his face. )
Why would I punish you? You're not lacking at all. Xiao H-- er... Hua Cheng, ( he blushes new when he says his name proper again, because he can feel the thrum of pleasure it induces both ways. his hand stays on his face but his gaze averts, murmuring, a bit flustered, )
... you ... I'm grateful to you.
( only then does he fully realize how possibly suggestive the way he rests on his familiar is, and it is like before when hua cheng changed from cat form to this human form: xie lian jerks back, slipping off of him even though it causes that same sting along every line of consciousness, as if to say he should stay close. the longer they are together, and known to each other now as they are, their connection established and open, the farther apart they can be without discomfort. but that will take time, and even then they will likely find it isn't preferable.
sitting beside hua cheng, on his knees, his one trembling and curled in the extra fabric of his robe, xie lian ducks his head, hair spilling over his shoulder and forward. behind him his other hand curls around his ankle, feeling how it still pulses and wondering if he should be worried. he was supposed to report to jun wu after the second time he was denounced and exiled. such was their private agreement. but he hasn't. choosing instead to go on alone as much as he can. he has caused enough trouble for others, and much of it he could not even fix. he doesn't entirely understand all the proprieties of the shackles. would jun wu have felt that as the one who bound him? he isn't sure.
he shakes his head. what happens, happens.
more importantly...he takes a deep breath, pushing away the dizziness spells, he ends up staring at hua cheng again, taking in how he looks and then wondering when he has ever seen someone this eye catching. probably never. his ears burn, but he smiles at him, truly as grateful as he says and still embarrassingly fond. this time, he lifts the hand from where it's thoroughly crumpled his own robe, only to reach out and pat hua cheng's head, then gently through his hair and again behind his ear. he lets it travel down a little, petting the side of his neck as he would do for him in his cat form, gentle: you did nothing wrong, don't worry. )
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but this shard of reality is even more gorgeous that he could ever conjure up with his mind's eye. xie lian is above him, long, silky hair framing his face and cascading around hua cheng like a protection spell. his flushed face is so beautiful, the softness of his eyes drenching his heart in longing. he wants to hold him and kiss him, apologize for the hurt that made his eyes sad.
his whole body shudders, together with his breathing when his face is touched, eyelashes fluttering. the call of his name has his body slightly arch, the shadow of a moan spilling from his red mouth. if xie lian keeps saying it, they risk to both be in trouble. ]
...gege, I am the grateful one-- [ he's about to say more, how he owes everything he is to his master, but xie lian suddenly moves away as if he got burnt and hua cheng feels a deep pang of pain, resonating through his body as if a limb got removed. too abruptly, too soon, and he winces, his soul protesting against the distance.
he keeps laying and looking at him with his mismatched eyes, unable to restrain the sorrow that not having physical contact gives him. his cruel, unnatural red eye appears particularly human. he smiles in return to the other when his head is petted, the low rumble in his throat much alike a purr as gentle fingers move down to his ear. why do they have to be apart when touching feels so good, when it's the way it should be? why does xie lian dislike being held by him?
hua cheng rolls on his side and he reaches out. they're close enough for his large hand to be able to touch the other's ankle where he's just rubbed it, fingertips tracing the dark marks of his shackle. he would prostrate in front of those feet, let himself be the bones they step on to advance. ]
Gege, won't you lie with me? [ his fingers slip under the hem of his robe, slowly rubbing into his calf. ] You can feel it too, how much it hurts... [ his voice is a little raspy, a little breathless, the pain of not being pressed together mingling with the pleasure of his hand on his neck. he can feel himself crumbling, tugged in two opposite directions at once. ]
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Hua...Hua Cheng...ah...
( he barely manages that much and even just that is too heavy and aching, a wantonness to xie lian's voice that he's never had except —
— once there was a garden.
ah. it isn't that xie lian forgot, but it isn't the same as what is happening here and now with hua cheng. even knowing so little, he knows that much. the poison of the flowers of that garden so long ago left him no choice but physical harm to still his mind and subdue any want. but the magic from hua cheng, this connection that feels red and all consuming, isn't cornering xie lian into a choice he does not even want to make. rather, it is asking him: will you accept me?
and that, the answer was already given when he took a black cat in, even not knowing.
once they are touching, xie lian has some awareness even through their very new bond, that his pulling away had harmed hua cheng as well. so his hands pet through his hair and down his face to his neck again and back, over and over — i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm so sorry — even as he keeps his own face pressed to hua cheng's shoulder. xie lian is blisteringly hot now again, and the little desperate noises he tries to mute into hua cheng's skin come paired with warm wet exhales. )
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he purrs out a noise when his name is called, feeling the echo of it dip along his spine and curl hot in his loins. his desire is becoming impossible to tolerate, not to mention control. he's terrified his body will react but he can't do anything about it. it is the way their connection works, pushing them closer and closer —and it is the way his love works, not bearing to have xie lian far.
he knows how apologetic he is through the tingles of his touch, and he would like to tell him it's okay, they'll work it out together, how this bond functions. yet, he's so overwhelmed he can only focus on how his master sounds, nearly obscene with the way he whimpers in his cold skin, melting it with each breath.
hua cheng can only watch himself act, like he's a puppet on strings, on a stage controlled by lust. he cradles the other's face in his hand and tilts it up, eyes heavy-lidded and nearly panting, and he kisses him. it's chaste just for a moment, the mere pressure of lips together, but it produces such a wave of pleasure, of wholeness, that it quickly turns hungry. hua cheng tastes his lips eagerly with soft, wet sounds, not aggressive, but assertive. learning the other's taste leaves him high and he unwittingly shifts some of his weight forward, partially pressing the older in the mattress under his naked frame, as if he wanted to shield him from the world with his large back. ]
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Hua Cheng ah —
( his name slips out of swollen red lips more a moan than speaking, both of xie lian's arms coming up over his shoulders in a lover's embrace as if he is now the one afraid of any distance between them. their noses brush. xie lian's mouth clumsily touches to his, less about being chaste and more being too disoriented to be more graceful. he just wants and doesn't know how to say it or even what it is. his body feels like there is a red string binding him around his legs, his waist, his chest, his arms, his throat, making him parched, making him desperate, making everything feel — )
Hua Cheng.
( his name like a spell, like 'i love you', like a plea. xie lian's voice breaks. one hand has fisted in that long dark hair, trembling. the other curls white knuckled at the juncture of his neck and shoulder. beneath him, xie lian lies pliant from heat and rigid from exhaustive want all at once, legs parted to let hua cheng rest that much closer to him. it goes against every single teaching, but xie lian's magic has been sealed off for a long, long time except for the little he can borrow. ruoye, having curled like a displeased cat on a nearby nightstand, is a different entity. and over time, xie lian has persisted in both his prison of long-livedness, agelessness, by virtue of perseverance itself and an unparalleled mastery of his qi. even without his magic, in many ways, he is not an easy target, or would not have been were it not for the dispelling of any of his fortune as well. bad luck does seem to find him more often than not.
but not this time.
taking in the black cat xiao hua felt like a blessing, and now under the protective warmth and weight of hua cheng, it feels even truer. it is only in feeling mysteriously safe and whole, soft sounds of need muffled into hua cheng's jaw or throat, that xie lian even vaguely recognizes — if only for a moment — how incomplete he felt before. so now, as close as they are, it is all but impossible to resist the pull, their own natural gravity towards each other. )
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Gege... gege, I'm here. [ he mumbles hoarsely in return, licking eagerly the other's taste behind his teeth and rubbing their tongues together, lewd and needy. legs part to accomodate him and hua cheng groans, accidentally shifting more of his weight down, while elegant fingers wrap around almost the whole circumference of xie lian's lean thigh. he rubs into it, the fabric around his middle finger tickling the smooth skin. his master is so perfect, from head to toe. he wants to worship every inch of his body, he wants to show him how devoted he's been all these centuries, even while they were apart. these kisses too are a way to venerate him.
hua cheng pulls back when he feels xie lian breathing too quickly for comfort, the rise and fall of his chest nearly aching, and he buries his mouth in the side of his neck. he licks at the outline of that shackle all the way to his throat. ] I am yours... I am all for you. [ that is a prayer in itself too: praying to be of use to him. he sucks onto his adam's apple with a breathy, pleased noise, before he realizes what he's done and he exhales shakily, a cold panic creeping under his skin. how dares he marking his master? staining him with more than a fleeting touch? unacceptable.
hua cheng shudders deeply, ashamed, burying his face in his neck to hide himself. his hands stroke his outer thighs, gentle now, light. ] Dianxia, forgive me. I've been so indecent... [ he trails off, clearly meaning to ask for punishment again, but stopping because xie lian disliked that earlier. his voice is raspy and breathless, giving away the want that still lingers in his blood, courses in his veins.
their bond is making it extremely obvious too, whispering to xie lian about how hua cheng belongs to him from head to toe, how xie lian can do anything he wants to him, how he's there to serve and happy to do it. it speaks of his pleasure in being touched and pulled closer, and how absolutely enamoured he is. ]
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he makes soft sounds of coaxing, of reassurance, as if hua cheng is once again in is xiao hua form, petting him the same and holding him close, letting him breathe in not just his scent but also the sense of his energy. even shackled as he is, every magic user will have some distinctions, in particular for an entity like a familiar. hua cheng will be able to sense him in every variation of that word in a way no one else can, and the opposite will also be true. )
It's alright, ( a soft repetition, xie lian kisses hua cheng's crown, and while his body still trembles ever so slightly, it's mitigated by the overarching calm he exudes. warm. open. safe. he doesn't want hua cheng to feel bad but he also doesn't want to order him how to feel. instead, he tries to convey his own feelings through their bond. it's a little clumsy, needing practice, but even in that, xie lian is a quick learner. a fumbling thread of lightness that fizzles out half way to his familiar, is followed by a stronger one, a temperate glow of something stable and replete with trust: you've done nothing wrong, in my eyes. )
Thank you for finding me.
( whispered into hua cheng's hair, he closes his eyes, sighing softly, still running his fingers through the length of it, the other hand curled protective underneath it at his nape. )
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punishment is what hua cheng always received from those around him, for the sin of being born with a red eye and so probably the influence of an unlucky star. constantly chased away and harassed even for things he didn't do, he doesn't know any other way for his wrongs or shortcomings to be fixed that isn't being punished. xie lian is the first who's so generous.
he laughs breathily in his neck, inhaling his scent as much as his presence, the feeling of his power and his qi. he basks in it all as if it was sunlight. and then warmth does come, not just from the other's body but through their bond and hua cheng shivers deeply, unused to it. it's like a physical touch reaching behind his ribs and soothing his soul, caressing it like xie lian's fingers do his locks. ]
Gege... [ he calls breathlessly, a small whine pressed into his throat. their bond will make him go crazy one day, he's sure of it. he's so close to xie lian thanks to it, closer than anyone else could ever hope to be. that in itself is worth having sacrificed so much of himself and his life for power.
he hums low in his throat at the older's words, smiling shyly to himself as he hugs him tight now, forgetting himself to the point that he's pressing most of his weight on him. he squeezes him gently, nuzzles into his neck, much like his cat self. ]
Thank you for taking me in. [ he smiles and that content expression is still on his face as he shifts lower so that his chin can rest on the other's chest, and he can admire him from there. ] Gege, could you call me San Lang? You know how it feels when you call my real name... [ he rests the side of his face against his sternum, the flimsy fabric of his robe, smiling cheekily. he's sure xie lian has felt that ripple of pleasure too; it'd be quite dangerous to keep toying with it. ]
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his cheeks bloom pink as his head jerks in a slight nod. ah...he looks away, finding the edges of the sheets fascinating as he replies, warm if a bit self conscious, )
Oh um yes, ah yes that's...yes. ( his heart quickened like so many butterflies, he tries the requested name out and finds even that is familiar too, a comfortable shape and warmth on his tongue, ) San Lang.
( saying it feels so nice that he ends up looking back at him, reaching behind hua cheng's head with both hands to idly begin braiding his hair. certainly from this angle it's a little odd and it's not very neat, but something in their bond asks that he keep touching even in small, intimate but arguably harmless ways. )
I like it...it suits you.
( one hand leaves off on the braid, fingertips trailing forward to graze his temple, and then his cheek. the resonant heat of their bond is as calming as it is thrilling, running along his every nerve and nestling into each of his breaths. it's such a wholeness that it almost hurts, but then it isn't truly pain; just the excruciating nature of feeling everything of another being. you feel so familiar, he thinks but does not say, distracted as ruoye decides it has had enough and flits down to slip back around xie lian's forearm with all the air of a child tugging on a guardian's sleeve. )
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he likes when xie lian's cheeks become so pink and he reaches out, a cold hand going to stroke it, cooling and affectionate at once. his eyes narrow into crescents for a moment, happy, when his name is called.
he sighs happily, eyes fluttering shut when his hair starts getting braided, one hand stroking his master's side and the opposite drawing invisible lines on his chest, above the fabric. it's amusing how xie lian is so lost in their bond that he seems to completely overlook the fact hua cheng is still very naked while on top of him, the more hair he braids, the more his pale skin is in views —not that he minds, it all belongs to the older. he could fall asleep like this, more loved than he's ever been in his entire existence, accepted as a whole, in the place where he's supposed to be, his master's arms.
that is, until the other brat who lives here makes an appearance and hua cheng opens his eyes, looking at ruoye unamused. just to have xie lian's attention shift onto him again he catches the opposite arm the silk band wraps around and he starts kissing the other's hand, starting from his heel and then peppering pecks all over his palm. were ruoye to peek its head out again, hua cheng would look at it with smugness all over his features, look who's getting more attention from master.
as if on cue, someone else who likes master peeks out —it's the small ruby attached to hua cheng's black collar, mounted on silver. the light on it shifts and an eye opens, hua cheng humming from his throat when he feels it. ] No. Dianxia may have heard about you, but that doesn't mean it wants to meet you. [ hua cheng huffs, fingers going to flick at his collar. that doesn't deter it because the eye blinks faster, until the familiar has to sigh. ]
You like magical artifacts, don't you, gege? Have you heard about E'ming?
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hua cheng's words make him blink, peering at the flicker of red. it had been a part of his collar, but the magic emanating from it feels new, or newly awakened, somehow connected to hua cheng himself. thinking this, xie lian's gaze flits back and forth. )
En....I do, but I'm sorry...I haven't heard of E'ming, but I would like to.
( tentatively his free hand reaches towards the blinking eye, using just the curve of his fingertip to smooth along what is arguably the frame or the eyelid, depending how you look at it. the trilling sort of noise it makes is compounded by the childlike happiness, almost giddy, and it floods xie lian's senses in a way that is golden and incredibly pure. and again there is that feeling of something...familiar. something known. but he cannot discern precisely what. he blinks, still peering at the eye that seems for all the world to be smiling, giving it most of his attention despite how ruoye peeks out of his sleeve again. it's only when he feels it tickling along the back of his arm that he once again offers it reassurance, smiling in turn, first ruoye, then e'ming, then hua cheng, lingering on the last...
...which leads to him finally noticing the obvious this whole time: hua cheng was not wearing clothes as a cat, so of course he isn't magically wearing any as a person! the spring pink in xie lian's complexion blooms to a burning red and he ends up reclaiming both his hands just to cover his face. since his palms are pressed a bit tightly, his words get muffled against them, )
S-San Lang...let me...ah...get you something...you know...to wear...?
( and then he splays his fingers and peeks through them anyway to at least look at his face, laughing sheepishly still into his own hands. )
Ha... ha I can't...um... believe I didn't ...offer before!
( yes he can. he was rather in a near bewitched state after all, as close to drunk as he has ever been off of the waking of their bond, which even now seems to wend around them like an unbreakable red string. )
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he simply appreciates the warmth of the other's frame underneath him as his master dotes on e'ming and tries to keep ruoye under control. until, there's a wave of utter embarrassment that takes his breath away, definitely not coming from him, and hua cheng raises his gaze to xie lian questioningly, that precious hand stolen from his touch to hide the older's face.
ah, it seems he eventually realized. hua cheng can't help smiling to himself, amused. it becomes even more adoring when the other peeks at him through fingers. the need to tease him bubbles up. ]
I don't want to. [ he claims cheekily, looking at xie lian even as he drags his nose on his chest, lips brushing against the thin fabric at each word. ] If you do that, we'll have to part and I want to stay as close as possible. [ his voice is low and warm, wetted by the noise of his lips. he lays his cheek on the other's sternum again and breathes deeply.
in that position, the view is not as explicit as it could be. there's the width of his shoulders and the dip of his spine, the ripples of his back muscles and the mounts of his buttocks, skin as pale as moonlight. ]
I can get dressed in the morning. [ he offers, mouth pressing right at the junction between the two halves of xie lian's robe, so partially on fabric and partially directly on skin. ] Gege always used to tell me that Xiao Hua didn't have to worry about my lack of clothes. [ he's entirely being a brat now, lips grazing upwards, leaving a string of pecks that ends right below the hollow of his collar bones. he gives it a soft lap, as if he still was xiao hua at all. ]
All you see, gege, from head to toe... It all belongs to you.
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