( dianxia. how long has it been since someone called him that? it unfurls something in xie lian's heart while also drawing up pinpricks of shadows. it hurts, and yet it is a kindness to be known. and besides, hua cheng says it with a voice so replete with love that xie lian has less room for the sadness of looking back in time than he might. somehow even compared to a time when that was almost the only way people called him, the name ordained by the stars comes differently off of his familiar's tongue. xie lian does not see it himself, what with his eyes closed, but a faint glow pulses from his entire form, the faintest ripple of something golden and bright. as that light collapses back into him, it is reminiscent of a bloomed lotus closing and disappearing at the same time that hua cheng presses his lips to the tightening shackle.
the brush of hua cheng's mouth to his neck does several things at once: it feels as if the breath is taken from him in one sharp twist, heat spikes through his entire body, and his head falls back, eyes closing, his mouth parted on a surprised "ah".
dazed, he is only vaguely aware as hua cheng draws him closer again and then into his lap, xie lian almost coherent enough to protest except that then hua cheng kisses him again. too little too late, xie lian remembers exactly why he usually wears the white scraps of fabric around his neck, but he never had thought the need to in his own place, even around 'xiao hua'. yet he cannot stop him. in hua cheng's lap, xie lian shifts and arches, throat bared prominently. offered. hua cheng seems to trace his shackle with painstaking acuity, almost reverent and if xie lian was clearer headed he would wonder if this is how it is for all magic users who actually have familiars, if it's 'normal' the way hua cheng sucks at his neck elicits little aching sounds from xie lian's parted lips. even once when he opens his eyes, he cannot see straight, and he quickly closes them again, dizzy and flushed, pink almost red in his cheeks and the tips of his ears and all around his throat. )
What... ( xie lian's voice comes out a little wrecked, breathy and unintentionally almost desperate sounding, )... what did you do?
( one of his hands lifts, trembling visibly, only to push pale fingers into hua cheng's hair, fondly tangling even as xie lian continues, ) ...it...it doesn't hurt...?
( the question is more than one question. over much time, even without his magic, xie lian has somehow come to the point that pain and discomfort whether through injury or otherwise, must be quite severe to register. indeed, he could even survive and endure many spells that others could not as well as substances, and so has been at the behest of various kinds of things across his life, to the point where he might be a little too laid back about such things as testing a spell first to make sure it won't backfire and curse, or trying food to make sure it isn't poisoned or gone bad. a far cry from what the people of the magic world once knew as "taizi dianxia". suffice to say his pain tolerance is as unparalleled as his magic once was.
his shackles are exceptions, and the pain they are capable of imparting is life threatening. it is, after all, a form of control, the chains spanning far and wide, invisible, clutched in the fingers of someone else. yet xie lian had asked for them, and so to him, even if the cause of their aggression is from hua cheng's own magic, xie lian would not want him to bear it. the only reason he doesn't stop him, or try, is that it doesn't occur to him that's precisely what has happened.
rather than get that far in his thinking, instead, breaths softly coming a little too fast, )
...are you...are you alright?
( the hand in hua cheng's hair pets even though he continues to shake. some of it is the overstimulation of hua cheng's magic. some of it is the sensitivity caused by being united with one's familiar, a thing that is different for each pair but in xie lian's case is visceral, an electrification down every nerve, making him burn, emanating enough heat that he's like his own small undying star. just as hua cheng's magic rushed into him as if finally coming home only to not be able to be accepted due to the shackles, it needs to gradually funnel back to its origin. as it does, the rapt tension in xie lian's body also leaves him, letting him collapse completely. his eyes blink, very slow, disoriented, and his body still resonates with a feverish heat. )
[ hua cheng feels such a rush of want when xie lian starts reacting to his kisses that he feels shameful, absolutely blasphemous. his master, his god, his one and only, nestled against him, sitting on his lap, is now baring his throat for him, offering his most vulnerable spot to him, for him to do as he pleases. the wave of lust is intoxicating and, mingled with xie lian's scent filling his nose, hua cheng feels drunk. his desire is so dirty, so unworthy, and yet it's an undying flame eating him up every moment of every day. it's so strong that he cannot hide it and, for the first time, hua cheng is painfully self-conscious: he does not want xie lian to realize what it is, he's terrified of his disapproval. xie lian's study of magic was based on abstinence, after all: how disappointing would it be for his familiar to be full to the brim of what xie lian deprived himself of and never once wanted?
and yet hua cheng is a starved beast, like he was in his youth, just a stray. what taizi dianxia offered, he ravenously took. today it is no different.
that neck is bared for him and hua cheng takes, while those sounds his master makes get seared under his skin like white-hot branding marks. he feels his every nerve tingling when xie lian speaks next and he sounds wrecked, breathless --a horrible thought bubbles up in the back of hua cheng's mind, i want to make him feel so good he'll sound like this again. it's shoved back down, like an unwanted monster pushed back under the surface of a black lake.
hua cheng looks up at him with gaze dripping utmost veneration. xie lian may feel it even with his eyes closed. ]
I kissed you. [ he replies, cheeky, mouth curling into a bratty smirk. ] I kissed it better, gege. Now that I'm here nothing has to hurt anymore. [ because i'll take it all for you. he smiles with his eyes, head tilting into the easy petting and he sighs so happily, eyelashes fluttering in delight. this touch is so gentle, so yearned for, hua cheng will never get tired of it. thanks to it, he can tune out the deep pain in his neck, like fingers are sinking into his throat, trying to snap it. ]
I am. [ he reassures him, turning his head just enough to nuzzle his nose in the other's palm. his voice sounds so steady, it's impossible not to believe him. another may be writhing right now, in his place. but hua cheng got used to degrees of pure, raw suffering that others would not feel in a lifetime. and, anyway, this pain is worth it, for it means his master instead will be safe. that alone is enough.
he can feel his magic flooding his own body back, like the tide is receding from xie lian's frame, and he welcomes it back, since it means the pressure against the other's shackles will loosen and he'll be safer. he can feel how dizzy that's leaving him, though, so he opts for lying back down, tugging xie lian along.
he has him draped on top of his chest, so that his cool skin will dissipate some of that feverish heat, one arm around his tiny waist, his opposite hand stroking his hair. ] I'm sorry... I couldn't stop my magic from filling you. It belongs to you as much as I do. [ he speaks softly, voice a caress as much as his fingers. he presses his lips to his forehead, a frown creasing his eyebrows. what if he's made him sick? the thought makes his whole chest tighten and ache. ] I was lacking, please punish me.
( if xie lian were less dizzy and strangely overwrought, he would be more pursuing of that response, even with how steadily hua cheng delivers it. but for now he accepts, a pleasantness to how hua cheng pulls him along and lets him be close. where normally this amount of contact would send him scrambling, and indeed his heart is racing almost alarmingly fast, even a slight shift that brings them briefly apart causes a twinge that only makes xie lian curl closer, as if they have swapped roles and he is now the cat.
that said, even then, his hand continues to pet through hua cheng's hair, some unconscious and determined desire to soothe. he only stumbles in it when he hears those words, and it is enough to ignore the repeated feeling of no in his blood and nerves as he sits up, which somehow ends with his knees on either side of hua cheng's waist. both of his hands are careful to avoid his hair this time, braced shakily on either side of his head as he looks at him, not frowning exactly but a little sad. it's an odd look probably, because his skin remains flushed pink and his eyes a little blown out, feverish with magic, their connection, and a physical longing so foreign to him he can't even name it.
but his focus is xiao hua. hua cheng. punish? he shifts more of his weight to one hand so he can use the other to, as if hua cheng were very fragile, traipse his fingertips down his jaw and then just frame his face. )
Why would I punish you? You're not lacking at all. Xiao H-- er... Hua Cheng, ( he blushes new when he says his name proper again, because he can feel the thrum of pleasure it induces both ways. his hand stays on his face but his gaze averts, murmuring, a bit flustered, )
... you ... I'm grateful to you.
( only then does he fully realize how possibly suggestive the way he rests on his familiar is, and it is like before when hua cheng changed from cat form to this human form: xie lian jerks back, slipping off of him even though it causes that same sting along every line of consciousness, as if to say he should stay close. the longer they are together, and known to each other now as they are, their connection established and open, the farther apart they can be without discomfort. but that will take time, and even then they will likely find it isn't preferable.
sitting beside hua cheng, on his knees, his one trembling and curled in the extra fabric of his robe, xie lian ducks his head, hair spilling over his shoulder and forward. behind him his other hand curls around his ankle, feeling how it still pulses and wondering if he should be worried. he was supposed to report to jun wu after the second time he was denounced and exiled. such was their private agreement. but he hasn't. choosing instead to go on alone as much as he can. he has caused enough trouble for others, and much of it he could not even fix. he doesn't entirely understand all the proprieties of the shackles. would jun wu have felt that as the one who bound him? he isn't sure.
he shakes his head. what happens, happens.
more importantly...he takes a deep breath, pushing away the dizziness spells, he ends up staring at hua cheng again, taking in how he looks and then wondering when he has ever seen someone this eye catching. probably never. his ears burn, but he smiles at him, truly as grateful as he says and still embarrassingly fond. this time, he lifts the hand from where it's thoroughly crumpled his own robe, only to reach out and pat hua cheng's head, then gently through his hair and again behind his ear. he lets it travel down a little, petting the side of his neck as he would do for him in his cat form, gentle: you did nothing wrong, don't worry. )
[ when xie lian shifts position, hua cheng's throat tightens, the sight above him looking like a result of his imagination. how disgraceful, that this beautiful view is familiar in his dreams, when he wakes up drenched in sweat and breathless, his body embracing that desire that he so desperately tries to resist when awake.
but this shard of reality is even more gorgeous that he could ever conjure up with his mind's eye. xie lian is above him, long, silky hair framing his face and cascading around hua cheng like a protection spell. his flushed face is so beautiful, the softness of his eyes drenching his heart in longing. he wants to hold him and kiss him, apologize for the hurt that made his eyes sad.
his whole body shudders, together with his breathing when his face is touched, eyelashes fluttering. the call of his name has his body slightly arch, the shadow of a moan spilling from his red mouth. if xie lian keeps saying it, they risk to both be in trouble. ]
...gege, I am the grateful one-- [ he's about to say more, how he owes everything he is to his master, but xie lian suddenly moves away as if he got burnt and hua cheng feels a deep pang of pain, resonating through his body as if a limb got removed. too abruptly, too soon, and he winces, his soul protesting against the distance.
he keeps laying and looking at him with his mismatched eyes, unable to restrain the sorrow that not having physical contact gives him. his cruel, unnatural red eye appears particularly human. he smiles in return to the other when his head is petted, the low rumble in his throat much alike a purr as gentle fingers move down to his ear. why do they have to be apart when touching feels so good, when it's the way it should be? why does xie lian dislike being held by him?
hua cheng rolls on his side and he reaches out. they're close enough for his large hand to be able to touch the other's ankle where he's just rubbed it, fingertips tracing the dark marks of his shackle. he would prostrate in front of those feet, let himself be the bones they step on to advance. ]
Gege, won't you lie with me? [ his fingers slip under the hem of his robe, slowly rubbing into his calf. ] You can feel it too, how much it hurts... [ his voice is a little raspy, a little breathless, the pain of not being pressed together mingling with the pleasure of his hand on his neck. he can feel himself crumbling, tugged in two opposite directions at once. ]
( the pain is exponential once it is going both ways and for a moment xie lian's vision goes dark. it is hua cheng's touch to his ankle and then along his calf that steadies him, sight clearing a little. underneath the hurt of not being close enough there yet remains that scintillating feeling of warmth. sucking in a sharp breath, xie lian murmurs as he slowly curls to lie down with him again, not sure where to lie but ending up flush against him in a way he would once again veer back from normally. but this time when their bodies touch even through xie lian's white robe, thin as it is, the relief is as blinding as the pain was. there's a gasping whimper that xie lian muffles into hua cheng's shoulder, sounding both like need and apology. )
Hua...Hua Cheng...ah...
( he barely manages that much and even just that is too heavy and aching, a wantonness to xie lian's voice that he's never had except —
— once there was a garden.
ah. it isn't that xie lian forgot, but it isn't the same as what is happening here and now with hua cheng. even knowing so little, he knows that much. the poison of the flowers of that garden so long ago left him no choice but physical harm to still his mind and subdue any want. but the magic from hua cheng, this connection that feels red and all consuming, isn't cornering xie lian into a choice he does not even want to make. rather, it is asking him: will you accept me?
and that, the answer was already given when he took a black cat in, even not knowing.
once they are touching, xie lian has some awareness even through their very new bond, that his pulling away had harmed hua cheng as well. so his hands pet through his hair and down his face to his neck again and back, over and over — i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm so sorry — even as he keeps his own face pressed to hua cheng's shoulder. xie lian is blisteringly hot now again, and the little desperate noises he tries to mute into hua cheng's skin come paired with warm wet exhales. )
[ when xie lian not only lies down with him, but presses flush against him, there's an exhale, deep, coming straight from the core of his very being, like the incandescent heart of a star. it's relief and happiness and pleasure, all at once. he doesn't even need to think for his arms to wind around him and keep him safe into the width of his chest, marveling at how the other's graceful, minute frame fits so perfectly. the whimper he smothers in his shoulder feels like yet another branding added to the marks his souls is already carrying, each imposed by xie lian through his touch and warmth without even knowing.
he purrs out a noise when his name is called, feeling the echo of it dip along his spine and curl hot in his loins. his desire is becoming impossible to tolerate, not to mention control. he's terrified his body will react but he can't do anything about it. it is the way their connection works, pushing them closer and closer —and it is the way his love works, not bearing to have xie lian far.
he knows how apologetic he is through the tingles of his touch, and he would like to tell him it's okay, they'll work it out together, how this bond functions. yet, he's so overwhelmed he can only focus on how his master sounds, nearly obscene with the way he whimpers in his cold skin, melting it with each breath.
hua cheng can only watch himself act, like he's a puppet on strings, on a stage controlled by lust. he cradles the other's face in his hand and tilts it up, eyes heavy-lidded and nearly panting, and he kisses him. it's chaste just for a moment, the mere pressure of lips together, but it produces such a wave of pleasure, of wholeness, that it quickly turns hungry. hua cheng tastes his lips eagerly with soft, wet sounds, not aggressive, but assertive. learning the other's taste leaves him high and he unwittingly shifts some of his weight forward, partially pressing the older in the mattress under his naked frame, as if he wanted to shield him from the world with his large back. ]
( it takes less than a second for xie lian to melt into hua cheng's touch, the kiss that becomes many kisses making his head spin. his eyes flutter open, then closed, gasping in any moment of pause. with someone else it would send xie lian into an incredibly guarded and defensive state, but hua cheng leans over him, presses down, and all xie lian wants to do is open up for him; a flower in bloom more fitting his familiar's name than his own. )
Hua Cheng ah —
( his name slips out of swollen red lips more a moan than speaking, both of xie lian's arms coming up over his shoulders in a lover's embrace as if he is now the one afraid of any distance between them. their noses brush. xie lian's mouth clumsily touches to his, less about being chaste and more being too disoriented to be more graceful. he just wants and doesn't know how to say it or even what it is. his body feels like there is a red string binding him around his legs, his waist, his chest, his arms, his throat, making him parched, making him desperate, making everything feel — )
Hua Cheng.
( his name like a spell, like 'i love you', like a plea. xie lian's voice breaks. one hand has fisted in that long dark hair, trembling. the other curls white knuckled at the juncture of his neck and shoulder. beneath him, xie lian lies pliant from heat and rigid from exhaustive want all at once, legs parted to let hua cheng rest that much closer to him. it goes against every single teaching, but xie lian's magic has been sealed off for a long, long time except for the little he can borrow. ruoye, having curled like a displeased cat on a nearby nightstand, is a different entity. and over time, xie lian has persisted in both his prison of long-livedness, agelessness, by virtue of perseverance itself and an unparalleled mastery of his qi. even without his magic, in many ways, he is not an easy target, or would not have been were it not for the dispelling of any of his fortune as well. bad luck does seem to find him more often than not.
but not this time.
taking in the black cat xiao hua felt like a blessing, and now under the protective warmth and weight of hua cheng, it feels even truer. it is only in feeling mysteriously safe and whole, soft sounds of need muffled into hua cheng's jaw or throat, that xie lian even vaguely recognizes — if only for a moment — how incomplete he felt before. so now, as close as they are, it is all but impossible to resist the pull, their own natural gravity towards each other. )
[ hua cheng nearly growls when his name is called like that, soaked in desire, enwrapped in a moan, the dangerous noise thankfully pressed down his own throat to hide his monstrosity. their connection exacerbates his lust, his want, his love, to the point every action from xie lian that means acceptance makes his dead heart ache so deeply, like it could still skip beats. like the way arms wrap around his neck, the familiar's incredibly long locks sliding down one shoulder, pooling on the pillow next to xie lian's face. ]
Gege... gege, I'm here. [ he mumbles hoarsely in return, licking eagerly the other's taste behind his teeth and rubbing their tongues together, lewd and needy. legs part to accomodate him and hua cheng groans, accidentally shifting more of his weight down, while elegant fingers wrap around almost the whole circumference of xie lian's lean thigh. he rubs into it, the fabric around his middle finger tickling the smooth skin. his master is so perfect, from head to toe. he wants to worship every inch of his body, he wants to show him how devoted he's been all these centuries, even while they were apart. these kisses too are a way to venerate him.
hua cheng pulls back when he feels xie lian breathing too quickly for comfort, the rise and fall of his chest nearly aching, and he buries his mouth in the side of his neck. he licks at the outline of that shackle all the way to his throat. ] I am yours... I am all for you. [ that is a prayer in itself too: praying to be of use to him. he sucks onto his adam's apple with a breathy, pleased noise, before he realizes what he's done and he exhales shakily, a cold panic creeping under his skin. how dares he marking his master? staining him with more than a fleeting touch? unacceptable.
hua cheng shudders deeply, ashamed, burying his face in his neck to hide himself. his hands stroke his outer thighs, gentle now, light. ] Dianxia, forgive me. I've been so indecent... [ he trails off, clearly meaning to ask for punishment again, but stopping because xie lian disliked that earlier. his voice is raspy and breathless, giving away the want that still lingers in his blood, courses in his veins.
their bond is making it extremely obvious too, whispering to xie lian about how hua cheng belongs to him from head to toe, how xie lian can do anything he wants to him, how he's there to serve and happy to do it. it speaks of his pleasure in being touched and pulled closer, and how absolutely enamoured he is. ]
It's okay, really, it is. ( the words are clearer than he'd hoped, which is a relief, xie lian reaching with both hands to frame hua cheng's face, hoping he can get his familiar to look at him and understand he means it, not just through their bond. easier said than done perhaps, as hazy as everything is through the both foreign and familiar cascade of want still thrumming through both of them. somehow, he steadies his breathing though, and he feels as he himself calms down, so too does some of the anxious energy coming off of hua cheng. even before he trailed off, xie lian could tell. there is a part of hua cheng that looks to answer for any indiscretion through penalty, but the thought only pains him rather than giving any sense of fulfillment or rightness. it isn't as though he knows how this works either, and in his mind the fault — if one calls it that even — is equal.
he makes soft sounds of coaxing, of reassurance, as if hua cheng is once again in is xiao hua form, petting him the same and holding him close, letting him breathe in not just his scent but also the sense of his energy. even shackled as he is, every magic user will have some distinctions, in particular for an entity like a familiar. hua cheng will be able to sense him in every variation of that word in a way no one else can, and the opposite will also be true. )
It's alright, ( a soft repetition, xie lian kisses hua cheng's crown, and while his body still trembles ever so slightly, it's mitigated by the overarching calm he exudes. warm. open. safe. he doesn't want hua cheng to feel bad but he also doesn't want to order him how to feel. instead, he tries to convey his own feelings through their bond. it's a little clumsy, needing practice, but even in that, xie lian is a quick learner. a fumbling thread of lightness that fizzles out half way to his familiar, is followed by a stronger one, a temperate glow of something stable and replete with trust: you've done nothing wrong, in my eyes. )
Thank you for finding me.
( whispered into hua cheng's hair, he closes his eyes, sighing softly, still running his fingers through the length of it, the other hand curled protective underneath it at his nape. )
[ it is quite unbecoming, to need to be reassured like this, as if there's no difference between now and when he merely was a pet. hua cheng cannot help but smile though, as his face is sweetly cradled and he looks back into those beautiful hazel eyes, before his mismatched ones shy away, looking down.
punishment is what hua cheng always received from those around him, for the sin of being born with a red eye and so probably the influence of an unlucky star. constantly chased away and harassed even for things he didn't do, he doesn't know any other way for his wrongs or shortcomings to be fixed that isn't being punished. xie lian is the first who's so generous.
he laughs breathily in his neck, inhaling his scent as much as his presence, the feeling of his power and his qi. he basks in it all as if it was sunlight. and then warmth does come, not just from the other's body but through their bond and hua cheng shivers deeply, unused to it. it's like a physical touch reaching behind his ribs and soothing his soul, caressing it like xie lian's fingers do his locks. ]
Gege... [ he calls breathlessly, a small whine pressed into his throat. their bond will make him go crazy one day, he's sure of it. he's so close to xie lian thanks to it, closer than anyone else could ever hope to be. that in itself is worth having sacrificed so much of himself and his life for power.
he hums low in his throat at the older's words, smiling shyly to himself as he hugs him tight now, forgetting himself to the point that he's pressing most of his weight on him. he squeezes him gently, nuzzles into his neck, much like his cat self. ]
Thank you for taking me in. [ he smiles and that content expression is still on his face as he shifts lower so that his chin can rest on the other's chest, and he can admire him from there. ] Gege, could you call me San Lang? You know how it feels when you call my real name... [ he rests the side of his face against his sternum, the flimsy fabric of his robe, smiling cheekily. he's sure xie lian has felt that ripple of pleasure too; it'd be quite dangerous to keep toying with it. ]
( sometimes, in the days before this, xiao hua would rub his head against the back of xie lian's hand or ankle. or xiao hua would sit watchful on a corner of the bed or in the windowsill. and these were all such simple innocuous things that it struck xie lian as curious how sometimes he found himself lost for breath. had he really been so lonely? but it wasn't just that. xiao hua brought with him a familiarity that was both undeniable but also mysterious, and even now, knowing him for his true form, xie lian peers down at him, experiencing it all over again. undoubtedly hua cheng can feel it through their bond: the fluctuation of his heart, the stutter of his breath, the anxiety of both not knowing but also still trusting, all of it softened as he has something to focus on in hua cheng's words.
his cheeks bloom pink as his head jerks in a slight nod. ah...he looks away, finding the edges of the sheets fascinating as he replies, warm if a bit self conscious, )
Oh um yes, ah yes that's...yes. ( his heart quickened like so many butterflies, he tries the requested name out and finds even that is familiar too, a comfortable shape and warmth on his tongue, ) San Lang.
( saying it feels so nice that he ends up looking back at him, reaching behind hua cheng's head with both hands to idly begin braiding his hair. certainly from this angle it's a little odd and it's not very neat, but something in their bond asks that he keep touching even in small, intimate but arguably harmless ways. )
I like it...it suits you.
( one hand leaves off on the braid, fingertips trailing forward to graze his temple, and then his cheek. the resonant heat of their bond is as calming as it is thrilling, running along his every nerve and nestling into each of his breaths. it's such a wholeness that it almost hurts, but then it isn't truly pain; just the excruciating nature of feeling everything of another being. you feel so familiar, he thinks but does not say, distracted as ruoye decides it has had enough and flits down to slip back around xie lian's forearm with all the air of a child tugging on a guardian's sleeve. )
[ he feels xie lian's heart picking up its pace both through their bond and with how close they are, outright hearing his heartbeat since he has his ear pressed to his chest. it makes him smile even more, though it's an expression that holds more cheekiness than ever. xie lian will get used to it, since it's the most common way hua cheng's lips curl, paired with the dancing amusement in his eyes, like he doesn't take anything or anyone seriously.
he likes when xie lian's cheeks become so pink and he reaches out, a cold hand going to stroke it, cooling and affectionate at once. his eyes narrow into crescents for a moment, happy, when his name is called.
he sighs happily, eyes fluttering shut when his hair starts getting braided, one hand stroking his master's side and the opposite drawing invisible lines on his chest, above the fabric. it's amusing how xie lian is so lost in their bond that he seems to completely overlook the fact hua cheng is still very naked while on top of him, the more hair he braids, the more his pale skin is in views —not that he minds, it all belongs to the older. he could fall asleep like this, more loved than he's ever been in his entire existence, accepted as a whole, in the place where he's supposed to be, his master's arms.
that is, until the other brat who lives here makes an appearance and hua cheng opens his eyes, looking at ruoye unamused. just to have xie lian's attention shift onto him again he catches the opposite arm the silk band wraps around and he starts kissing the other's hand, starting from his heel and then peppering pecks all over his palm. were ruoye to peek its head out again, hua cheng would look at it with smugness all over his features, look who's getting more attention from master.
as if on cue, someone else who likes master peeks out —it's the small ruby attached to hua cheng's black collar, mounted on silver. the light on it shifts and an eye opens, hua cheng humming from his throat when he feels it. ] No. Dianxia may have heard about you, but that doesn't mean it wants to meet you. [ hua cheng huffs, fingers going to flick at his collar. that doesn't deter it because the eye blinks faster, until the familiar has to sigh. ]
You like magical artifacts, don't you, gege? Have you heard about E'ming?
( dizzy with their connection, soothed by the motions of hua cheng's fingers, a little overwhelmed just from the way hua cheng looks at him, xie lian's hands pause about halfway through braiding, seeming for all the world like he might drift off into something like sleep. he doesn't, not drowsy so much as delirious with overstimulation, and this so far protects him from his own would-be self consciousness or shyness. even as his eyes are about to register hua cheng's precise state of undress, his familiar starts to lavish kisses to his hand in a way that makes him sigh and stutter for air briefly. xie lian's eyes, low-lidded, find his, murmuring to ruoye briefly to be good since he can feel it wrapping and re-wrapping around his arm, the way it does when it gets defensive.
hua cheng's words make him blink, peering at the flicker of red. it had been a part of his collar, but the magic emanating from it feels new, or newly awakened, somehow connected to hua cheng himself. thinking this, xie lian's gaze flits back and forth. )
En....I do, but I'm sorry...I haven't heard of E'ming, but I would like to.
( tentatively his free hand reaches towards the blinking eye, using just the curve of his fingertip to smooth along what is arguably the frame or the eyelid, depending how you look at it. the trilling sort of noise it makes is compounded by the childlike happiness, almost giddy, and it floods xie lian's senses in a way that is golden and incredibly pure. and again there is that feeling of something...familiar. something known. but he cannot discern precisely what. he blinks, still peering at the eye that seems for all the world to be smiling, giving it most of his attention despite how ruoye peeks out of his sleeve again. it's only when he feels it tickling along the back of his arm that he once again offers it reassurance, smiling in turn, first ruoye, then e'ming, then hua cheng, lingering on the last...
...which leads to him finally noticing the obvious this whole time: hua cheng was not wearing clothes as a cat, so of course he isn't magically wearing any as a person! the spring pink in xie lian's complexion blooms to a burning red and he ends up reclaiming both his hands just to cover his face. since his palms are pressed a bit tightly, his words get muffled against them, )
S-San Lang...let me...ah...get you something...you know...to wear...?
( and then he splays his fingers and peeks through them anyway to at least look at his face, laughing sheepishly still into his own hands. )
Ha... ha I can't...um... believe I didn't ...offer before!
( yes he can. he was rather in a near bewitched state after all, as close to drunk as he has ever been off of the waking of their bond, which even now seems to wend around them like an unbreakable red string. )
[ e'ming's initial disappointment is quickly replaced by pure happiness, the simple and earnest kind that suits a child, upon being touched and acknowledged. hua cheng shakes his head at how needy his eye is, though he fails to see that is exactly how he's like as well —he just doesn't want xie lian to regard him as childish, but rather cool and manly, and so he direly holds onto his self-restraint even when he's tempted to kick his feet.
he simply appreciates the warmth of the other's frame underneath him as his master dotes on e'ming and tries to keep ruoye under control. until, there's a wave of utter embarrassment that takes his breath away, definitely not coming from him, and hua cheng raises his gaze to xie lian questioningly, that precious hand stolen from his touch to hide the older's face.
ah, it seems he eventually realized. hua cheng can't help smiling to himself, amused. it becomes even more adoring when the other peeks at him through fingers. the need to tease him bubbles up. ]
I don't want to. [ he claims cheekily, looking at xie lian even as he drags his nose on his chest, lips brushing against the thin fabric at each word. ] If you do that, we'll have to part and I want to stay as close as possible. [ his voice is low and warm, wetted by the noise of his lips. he lays his cheek on the other's sternum again and breathes deeply.
in that position, the view is not as explicit as it could be. there's the width of his shoulders and the dip of his spine, the ripples of his back muscles and the mounts of his buttocks, skin as pale as moonlight. ]
I can get dressed in the morning. [ he offers, mouth pressing right at the junction between the two halves of xie lian's robe, so partially on fabric and partially directly on skin. ] Gege always used to tell me that Xiao Hua didn't have to worry about my lack of clothes. [ he's entirely being a brat now, lips grazing upwards, leaving a string of pecks that ends right below the hollow of his collar bones. he gives it a soft lap, as if he still was xiao hua at all. ]
All you see, gege, from head to toe... It all belongs to you.
( behind his hands, xie lian's mouth opens and stays open, soundless. he tries to place if xiao hua ever acted this way and then realizes maybe, but he had chalked that up to feline behavior. and anyway, xiao hua is hua cheng is san lang is...well. he bites his lip as he feels the path hua cheng makes, all too easily overwhelmed with the warmth that comes of it. yet not even that can fully distract him from what he's rather embarrassed he didn't realize before.
but you're a cat, he thinks feebly and knows he is just trying to console himself as his eyes catch on everything he can see before he closes them tightly again, fingers closing.
this, however, is a mistake. it heightens every single thing hua cheng does from the kiss he can only half feel through his robe and half skin to skin, to the weight of his body on him, a comforting strength accented by the teasing trail of kisses he gives him. his heart beats a little too fast, temperature from feverish to burning as he feels that gentle lap. )
San Lang... ( his tone is halfway pleading halfway exasperated and still somehow entirely fond, embarrassingly fond, as if he can respond and return hua cheng's words to him tenfold in feeling alone and perhaps he can: through their bond comes another relentless cascade of affection, because hua cheng says he belongs to him but the reverse is also true. master and familiar, one of the oldest bonds and the strongest.
with a deep, shuddering breath, xie lian finally lowers his hands and opens his eyes, this time reaching the shorter distance down to cup either side of hua cheng's face, thumbing along the sharp of his cheeks. )
First of all, it is morning. ( technically. like very early hours. ) Second, you don't have to worry about it we do need to get you some, especially if you'll be coming with me like this from now on, right? ( he sighs, but he's smiling. then he pets back through hua cheng's hair where the braid has already unraveled. ) And thirdly,
I belong to you too.
( and the flush that only just started to ease, flares up again but this time xie lian doesn't look away, instead continuing to pet hua cheng very much as he would have xiao hua. while he does so, ruoye takes the silent direction and slithers up into the air to head over and somehow grab one of xie lian's spare robes. it's also white, and certainly it won't fit hua cheng "correctly" but it is something, which is all xie lian was really trying for for tonight anyway.
ruoye though, displeased by the division of master's attention, takes this moment to unceremoniously drop said robe. it intends to drop it on hua cheng's head only, obscuring him from xie lian however briefly, but it ends up canopying over both of them like a strange white veil. )
[ hua cheng is nearly overwhelmed by that sudden wave of adoring affection, taken aback by it. his confusion shows through his blinking eyes and, a beat later, it transforms into the sweetest, warmest beam. he's teasing him, maybe even acting spoiled , and yet xie lian likes him this much. it's enough to make his heart flutter, his breathing trembling because of it. he never thought it'd be possible for his master to like him, nevermind this much.
he looks indeed like a pleased cat when his face is cradled, eyes softer than ever meeting xie lian's. i adore you, his bond whispers to every inch of xie lian's body and soul. he unwittingly tilts his head into the touch of a thumb, nearly purring.
he chuckles quietly: well, he supposes it is morning indeed. he nods at the second point, sighing softly because he expects the third one will be about how he needs to start getting dressed now. instead those words are so much different and hua cheng freezes.
for a long moment, all he can hear is a buzzing noise in his ears, while warmth creeps through him in ways he's gotten unfamiliar with. he replays in his mind the shape of xie lian's perfect mouth as it molded around the words, the echo of his voice as soft as a caress. he can't be mistaken... he really did say he belongs to hua cheng, didn't he?
the moment of stillness lasts a bit longer as that robe drapes on their heads from who knows where, hua cheng so out of it he didn't even notice ruoye. their hot breaths mingle under that fabric, like their gazes that are glued together, and their souls that are entwined.
many wizards through history found their familiars simply tools or, at best, pets. a pleasant, handy company. but xie lian right now told him he considers them equals; that the room in hua cheng's heart that belongs to xie lian has a twin one in his master's own for him. xie lian has just told he's hua cheng's.
like a downpour, rain crashing down at once, the realization hits hua cheng and takes his breath away, pushing him to act impulsively again. his movement is smooth like a cat's as he gets on his knees, legs in between the other's, and he wraps both arms around xie lian's waist, sweeping him in his embrace and kissing him under that thin veil-like fabric. it's a breathtaking kiss, one that contains everything not even the intensity of their bond can communicate. it tells xie lian of how much he adores him and worships him, how much he means to him, how he cannot live without him. his breathing is harsh but his lips and tongue are sweet even in their boldness.
i'll love you and protect you forever, this kiss says through their connection, like a promise during the rite of marriage, that veil on their heads highlighting the holiness of their bond, that very much resembles the way humans tie one's fate with their loved one's. ]
(the overflow of their emotions in both directions makes everything both many times more pleasurable but also cloudy. xie lian's legs slip around his waist easily when he's pulled forward, his hands both tangling again in hua cheng's hair, still with a soothing undertone to how he touches and responds. dizziness from overstimulation and shortness of breath make his head spin but it's pleasant even so. the taste of hua cheng is almost a spell in and of itself, xie lian half sighing half moaning softly as the kiss deepens. forever resonates through their physical touch, a bond of two souls made concrete in the tangible world. again there is that tightening around his heart, around his every breath: no one lives only for themself or by themself, but it is different to find one's other half and know.
hua cheng could never just be a tool to be used or a shallow perception of a pet.
somehow, xie lian knows him and doesn't know why he thinks this, even before today. yet he is sure.
his next inhale is a slightly more desperate gasp, panting against the sharp line of hua cheng's jaw, indeed angling his face so when his eyes close his eyelashes brush against the skin there, feather light. )
San Lang...
( only his name, but it is also love, trust, and a dozen other ways to say i don't want to let you go. it would make him feel silly if he wasn't still reeling from the kiss and the influx of both of their feelings. getting control over them so there is not a constant rush of it any given second will take some time, but time they have. the faint tremble in xie lian's hand as he smooths through hua cheng's hair, despite it not needing it, is just the relieved confusion of joy, having quietly, quietly forgotten what that felt like. then again, xie lian counts himself, even with consciously relinquished fortune of any kind...lucky.
because he can recognize it, because he knows that butterfly lightness in his heart.
his worst days of recent were already always made better by xiao hua as xiao hua. how lucky, then, to receive even more? he wonders idly if the shackle is failing, and one hand unconsciously touches the one at his throat, knowing the answer. of course it wouldn't be any weaker no matter the outside force, not given who it was created by. but it is what he deserves and he knows that.
so all the more reason to be grateful for his familiar finding him.
the hand in hua cheng's hair comes to rest at his nape, curled there gently, like hua cheng is precious and the one to be protected. if xie lian's magic were free, it would have very possibly knocked them both out in its response to hua cheng's, but bound as it is, all xie lian has to offer does its best to wrap around him even so. his qi, his sentiment, the warmth of his body still flushed pink and red but having given up on the clothing point for now, preferring to just stay close for a moment longer after all. )
[ hua cheng leans their foreheads together, quick breaths mingling hot under that light fabric, his eyes still closed. he feels the ticklish caress of the other's eyelashes still and he smiles, enamored, as he nuzzles their noses together, similar to how he rubbed his face against xie lian's cheek in his cat form. you won't ever have to let me go, i'll stay with you always, is what he says quietly, words hidden in their exhales and traveling along the invisible thread of their connection.
he can feel how happy xie lian is and it is intoxicating. is he happy because of hua cheng? that's such a preposterous thought. but his familiar is content to be with him while he's happy, while he feels this peaceful and whole. their little bubble under that robe. he presses the softest of pecks on the other's cheekbone, before his hand goes to drag away the fabric from above their heads, cold oxygen enwrapping them.
those words spoken by xie lian are engraved on his heart, the strokes getting deeper every moment they spend together this close. can he really accept this? that xie lian belongs to him? that his master is giving himself to hua cheng? the notion makes him too happy, so much so that his body can't contain it, nor their connection, like water spilling from the top of a dam.
hua cheng pulls back and lets go, little distance between their frames, but enough for him to sit and slip that white robe on, like his master wanted. needless to say, it's small in all the ways, it's both too narrow and too short, but hua cheng pulls the two halves close together at the front. it shows much of his chest still, but at least it covers between his legs and a little further down his thighs. he can feel his heart itching: he's wearing his master's clothing. it makes him a little too excited.
hua cheng then gathers his hair and tugs it to the front. it's so long that even like that it pools past his hips. large hands pull xie lian closer and he tugs his legs so they rest on top of his thighs and stretch past them, so they can face each other still. ]
Can gege braid my hair again? So it won't get in the way while we sleep. [ he looks at him with adoring eyes. by the position he's put them in, it's obvious he doesn't want to turn his back to him even if that would make the hair styling easier. ] If gege doesn't like it, you can cut it too. [ he offers easily..]
( many of hua cheng's actions still read as xiao hua to xie lian, which is to say he responds in kind, unconsciously petting him more and even scratching behind his ear before he catches himself, blushing at his own behavior. but then he focuses on how hua cheng feels through their bond, and lets instinct take over; because he feels happy and it's like a curiously infinite loop: the better hua cheng feels, the better it makes xie lian feel. it somehow makes him want to hold him even closer, and he wonders for a moment if the bond of a magic user and their familiar includes telepathy when hua cheng draws him in like that.
the question about his hair catches him off guard, blinking owlishly for a second before he smiles at him, a smile so broad in fact that his eyes close briefly before he opens them again and reaches for the offered waterfall of hair. there really is so much of it, and it's beautiful. it also smells nice, to the point that he's inclined to press his face into it the way he would xiao hua's neck or back, breathing him in, but in this case he stops himself before he can do it, clearing his throat distractedly as he begins to comb his tapered fingers through the lengths of it. it's a methodical, patient practice xie lian wouldn't and doesn't spend on his own hair, but xiao hua has elicited a desire to sort of pamper him ever since finding xie lian. hua cheng inspires the same.
as he works out any stray tangles or would-be snags with utmost gentleness, the sense hua cheng will get from him is one of soothing and gratitude. love is its overarching core, but these particulars shine too. because yes, he is happy because of hua cheng, and the only confusion there is that not only had xie lian almost forgotten what it felt like but also had failed to notice that he had nearly forgotten in the first place. )
I would only cut your hair if you wanted it to be cut, San Lang.
( this he says as he begins braiding it, a thick braid due to the constitution of hua cheng's hair, and he keeps the plaits soft so that they don't pull on his scalp or hang uncomfortably higher or lower. it rests perfectly against his neck and shoulder, and here and there xie lian pauses to fluff it a little even though it doesn't need it; he just thinks it's cute. his gaze flickers to e'ming briefly and a thought occurs to him. he reaches for one of hua cheng's hands and places it around where he's in the middle of braiding. )
Hold it for me for a moment, please!
( then he climbs off of hua cheng (feeling the pang of discomfort for the separation but it's like their bodies can tell he's coming right back, it doesn't hurt as much as the recoil before), and more so falls off of the bed than anything, but it's xie lian so he just keeps moving! to the other side of the room where there's a small side table of random things and though his back is to him briefly, hua cheng will hear a soft 'ah!' before xie lian hurries back, obviously so involved with his task of his hair that basically climbing back into his lap, legs on either side of him again to let them be close, doesn't make him turn redder than the flowers in his hands.
he holds one up, so close that it probably makes hua cheng a bit crosseyed. )
They'll look nice in San Lang's hair.
( for all his bad luck, there are still some good things that happen: for example, stumbling on a field of wild flowers in his travels gathering other people's discards and rejects. he sets to work artfully working the flowers in along the remaining plaits, several red, one white. and hua cheng may feel it: a twinge of something sad, a bone deep ache that quickly gets suppressed. who taught him how to do this? it must have been mu qing, who would braid them into xie lian's hair, though perhaps feng xin had a hand in it too, never holding back on his criticisms of the other. vaguely he recalls flowers in his mother's hair too. and then he tucks those thoughts quietly, deeply away, tying off the end of hua cheng's hair with a simple undyed twine.
he doesn't move away but he sits back a little to survey his work and the look on his face is almost as young as people would believe him to be.
oh...that's not bad, he thinks, a little surprised at himself. it's been so long since he cared about appearance. granted, hua cheng would look good no matter the style of his hair, but there's a tentative almost unnoticeable ripple of relief in xie lian's heart. yes, he didn't do a bad job at all. )
[ there's much of xiao hua in many of hua cheng's mannerism. after all, he was born xiao hua and has become more through painstaking effort, that nature lingering at the bottom of him and in his instinctive reactions. that's why he enjoys the petting, especially behind his ears, as much as he used to, and also why he tilts his head curiously, just like a feline, while he tries and read xie lian through their connection, the shadow of a smile playing on his lips.
he can sense the other's content, placid feelings and he basks into them happily, in turn feeding their bond through that infinite loop. the way the older smiles so openly at his question leaves him surprised, blinking at him like one would be in the sun, trying to get used to all that unrestrained, beautiful light: that's xie lian's smile, even prettier than sunbeams. it makes hua cheng's heart skip a beat and he shyly looks away, because he feels too happy, nearly giddy and it's so foreign. warmth reaches his every nerve ending and floods him, leaving him breathless.
how can someone as beautiful as xie lian exist? and how can someone as unworthy as hua cheng be allowed to witness such a gorgeous smile from him? he can't allow himself to think that maybe that smile was caused by himself, or else he'll combust.
hua cheng plays with his fingers and the fabric of xie lian's robe while the other untangles his hair, glancing at him every now and then, like a shy child. they're so close his scent is stark and so his warmth. his fingers make him scalp tingle even if they're working along the length of his locks. hua cheng has never been so nervous, an innocent, anticipating type of nervousness.
he looks a little curious again when he feels gratitude coming from xie lian and he tries and scan his face for answers, but then the other talks and he forgets all about it. ]
I don't care about my hair... I want to keep it the way gege likes it. [ he confesses softly. by how overjoyed xie lian is to style it, he seems to have an answer on whether or not he should cut it.
he's confused when he's made to hold his hair and he almost stops doing it when the other scrambles off the bed. hua cheng's eyes widen and he nearly reaches out to pick him up from the floor, just to see his indestructible gege rush off to the nightstand again. it makes hua cheng laugh softly. his master is truly an unstoppable force.
he's quite curious about what had him so excited and his mismatched eyes do get crossed while trying to put into focus what xie lian is showing him so close. a flower? yes, his master used to love flowers as much as artifacts, he remembers that. but... how could pretty flowers suit him? hua cheng hunches a little in his shoulders, insecure. ]
Gege... won't those flowers be wasted on someone like me? [ he asks quietly. they would fit a beauty like xie lian without any effort. but not him.
his concerns fizzle away, though, in the face of xie lian's sudden sadness. hua cheng feels the deep sorrow, enough to shatter his breath in two and have his heart crumble. it's such pain, such longing, all at once. it hurts so much. it's sadness for things and people lost, one hua cheng never personally felt, because nobody besides his master ever dared getting close enough to him. but the familiar knows sorrow in and out. he hopes that, through their connection, that pain will weigh a little less on xie lian's shoulders.
large hands rub soothingly at the other's knees and up along his thighs, quietly saying, i am here, you are not alone anymore, i am with you. ]
...do I look okay? [ he asks, quiet and conscious, when xie lian has finished his work and pulls back just enough to look at it. hua cheng chances a peek at the older, before looking down again. he takes his hands now and kisses the knuckles of both: those holy, skilled hands.
he infuses his power into the flowers, fixing any possible crease or broken petal, making them bloom at the best of their abilities, color brighter. he can only hope he looks decent enough for his master to want to lay eyes on him. ]
Thank you, gege. [ he smiles shyly, nearly childlike, before he fills the distance between them to press a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth. ]
( the recoil from hua cheng feeling xie lian's sadness is new and distinct. it compels xie lian to bury that sadness deeper, to somehow be more mindful even on a subconscious level to not let any discomfort or unhappiness through, lest he hurt him. mostly, this is not too difficult, xie lian having made the stalwart decision to try to focus on that which is good: enough food to eat, a day without bizarrely terrible mishaps, a companion who thanks him even if he doesn't need to. so when xie lian smiles at him, it is soft and sincere, reaching out to frame his face with both hands even as hua cheng kisses him and murmuring, )
It suits you perfectly, San Lang. You make them look better.
( and, not just through their bond but through his behavior, xie lian notes a kind of shyness in his familiar, even as he watches with calm admiration as the flowers seem to revive brighter and softer than they were even originally. he doesn't know why his familiar emanates this shyness and a sort of sense of unworthiness, but it feels intrusive to ask, so he just lets one hand slide from his face to curl reassuringly on his shoulder, the other going to pet again behind his ear: you're good, don't worry, you're good. all the while, he relaxes a little even in hua cheng's lap as he is, the weight of his hands a curious comfort xie lian feels foreign to. maybe he is too reassured, because a dizzy spell sweeps through him, this one softer than the one that had flooded him on the surge of hua cheng's magic. he blinks slowly before gently resting his fore head to hua cheng's shoulder, soft breaths warm and a little shallow against the bare skin.
it's not like he's uneducated in the terms of familiars and how they work, the many ways. but it has been a long time since he thought about it at all, much less the broad spectrum of manners in which these bonds can manifest and develop upon meeting. some of it is the residual and stark contrast of going from nearly no magic, to much too much, to something idling closer to the former again yet buzzing with the latter. )
Sorry...San Lang...
( he means to say that he just needs a moment, but he ends up just focusing on breathing, the hand on hua cheng's shoulder sliding down and curling affectionately around his braid, mindful of the flowers. and he has the thought again, perplexing: how familiar hua cheng feels. his presence. his voice. his scent. the still lingering taste of him that cannot be chalked up to solely a matter of being his familiar. like he's met him before, too long ago to remember.
even with the odd wave of tiredness, xie lian's whole emotional demeanor inside and out is calm, disciplinedly so. all he wants hua cheng to feel is that he is cared for and accepted. he genuinely feels other people will love him too, given the chance, but starting with xie lian himself is something. )
[ xie lian has indeed met him before, both as a cat and as more than that. hua cheng had already gathered enough power to serve him as a human youth, back in the day. it'd been centuries before and he made sure he kept his face hidden, especially his eye of misfortune, and so there's no blaming xie lian for not recognizing him. if anything, the notion that he feels familiar to his master, the feeling lingering like a puzzling mystery in their bond, overjoys him. that he left an impression at all, how lucky.
xie lian's sudden dizziness, though, can't help worrying him, his whole mind clearing of any thought. the initial wave of magic must've been hard to bear through: is this sudden feeling of sickness related to that, or is it because the other is once again devoid of it, now that it's swum back to hua cheng?
either way, it is entirely his fault and hua cheng sighs deeply, a frown in place. he hugs him gently to his chest, ignoring the feigning of calm. he can look past appearances and that's a gift, because xie lian is sadly too apt at hiding pain and discomfort: hua cheng would never notice them, if they didn't have this thread connecting their souls.
cradled that smaller frame in his arms, hua cheng lays down, on his side, carrying him with him. he adjusts the pillow underneath him with his nose and by dragging the corner with his teeth, like he would've done as a cat, as he keeps hugging him protectively. one hand leaves him for barely a moment just to tug the covers on top of them, fixing them especially on the older. he kisses his forehead and the bridge of his nose and his bangs. ]
Gege, I'm here with you. There's no need to pretend. [ he whispers, tone soft and warm. if only xie lian could trust him with everything he is and everything he feels. he doesn't want to be shielded from the real him. ]
Whatever you need, I can give it to you. [ he can look after him, treat him, protect him. that's what he's gathered so much power for; the sole, entire reason. ] You can rest. There's nothing to worry about. [ he mumbles in his ear, deep voice full and soft, just like those caresses that are being rubbed in his narrow back. ]
Once the sun is up, I'll still be here with you. You won't wake up alone ever again. [ it's like a lullaby, trying to soothe xie lian enough for sleep. hua cheng technically doesn't need it and so he'll watch over him.
hopefully the other's frame will be able to get used to the fluctuations of power come morning. he doesn't want to make xie lian sick anymore. ]
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the brush of hua cheng's mouth to his neck does several things at once: it feels as if the breath is taken from him in one sharp twist, heat spikes through his entire body, and his head falls back, eyes closing, his mouth parted on a surprised "ah".
dazed, he is only vaguely aware as hua cheng draws him closer again and then into his lap, xie lian almost coherent enough to protest except that then hua cheng kisses him again. too little too late, xie lian remembers exactly why he usually wears the white scraps of fabric around his neck, but he never had thought the need to in his own place, even around 'xiao hua'. yet he cannot stop him. in hua cheng's lap, xie lian shifts and arches, throat bared prominently. offered. hua cheng seems to trace his shackle with painstaking acuity, almost reverent and if xie lian was clearer headed he would wonder if this is how it is for all magic users who actually have familiars, if it's 'normal' the way hua cheng sucks at his neck elicits little aching sounds from xie lian's parted lips. even once when he opens his eyes, he cannot see straight, and he quickly closes them again, dizzy and flushed, pink almost red in his cheeks and the tips of his ears and all around his throat. )
What... ( xie lian's voice comes out a little wrecked, breathy and unintentionally almost desperate sounding, )... what did you do?
( one of his hands lifts, trembling visibly, only to push pale fingers into hua cheng's hair, fondly tangling even as xie lian continues, ) ...it...it doesn't hurt...?
( the question is more than one question. over much time, even without his magic, xie lian has somehow come to the point that pain and discomfort whether through injury or otherwise, must be quite severe to register. indeed, he could even survive and endure many spells that others could not as well as substances, and so has been at the behest of various kinds of things across his life, to the point where he might be a little too laid back about such things as testing a spell first to make sure it won't backfire and curse, or trying food to make sure it isn't poisoned or gone bad. a far cry from what the people of the magic world once knew as "taizi dianxia". suffice to say his pain tolerance is as unparalleled as his magic once was.
his shackles are exceptions, and the pain they are capable of imparting is life threatening. it is, after all, a form of control, the chains spanning far and wide, invisible, clutched in the fingers of someone else. yet xie lian had asked for them, and so to him, even if the cause of their aggression is from hua cheng's own magic, xie lian would not want him to bear it. the only reason he doesn't stop him, or try, is that it doesn't occur to him that's precisely what has happened.
rather than get that far in his thinking, instead, breaths softly coming a little too fast, )
...are you...are you alright?
( the hand in hua cheng's hair pets even though he continues to shake. some of it is the overstimulation of hua cheng's magic. some of it is the sensitivity caused by being united with one's familiar, a thing that is different for each pair but in xie lian's case is visceral, an electrification down every nerve, making him burn, emanating enough heat that he's like his own small undying star. just as hua cheng's magic rushed into him as if finally coming home only to not be able to be accepted due to the shackles, it needs to gradually funnel back to its origin. as it does, the rapt tension in xie lian's body also leaves him, letting him collapse completely. his eyes blink, very slow, disoriented, and his body still resonates with a feverish heat. )
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and yet hua cheng is a starved beast, like he was in his youth, just a stray. what taizi dianxia offered, he ravenously took. today it is no different.
that neck is bared for him and hua cheng takes, while those sounds his master makes get seared under his skin like white-hot branding marks. he feels his every nerve tingling when xie lian speaks next and he sounds wrecked, breathless --a horrible thought bubbles up in the back of hua cheng's mind, i want to make him feel so good he'll sound like this again. it's shoved back down, like an unwanted monster pushed back under the surface of a black lake.
hua cheng looks up at him with gaze dripping utmost veneration. xie lian may feel it even with his eyes closed. ]
I kissed you. [ he replies, cheeky, mouth curling into a bratty smirk. ] I kissed it better, gege. Now that I'm here nothing has to hurt anymore. [ because i'll take it all for you. he smiles with his eyes, head tilting into the easy petting and he sighs so happily, eyelashes fluttering in delight. this touch is so gentle, so yearned for, hua cheng will never get tired of it. thanks to it, he can tune out the deep pain in his neck, like fingers are sinking into his throat, trying to snap it. ]
I am. [ he reassures him, turning his head just enough to nuzzle his nose in the other's palm. his voice sounds so steady, it's impossible not to believe him. another may be writhing right now, in his place. but hua cheng got used to degrees of pure, raw suffering that others would not feel in a lifetime. and, anyway, this pain is worth it, for it means his master instead will be safe. that alone is enough.
he can feel his magic flooding his own body back, like the tide is receding from xie lian's frame, and he welcomes it back, since it means the pressure against the other's shackles will loosen and he'll be safer. he can feel how dizzy that's leaving him, though, so he opts for lying back down, tugging xie lian along.
he has him draped on top of his chest, so that his cool skin will dissipate some of that feverish heat, one arm around his tiny waist, his opposite hand stroking his hair. ] I'm sorry... I couldn't stop my magic from filling you. It belongs to you as much as I do. [ he speaks softly, voice a caress as much as his fingers. he presses his lips to his forehead, a frown creasing his eyebrows. what if he's made him sick? the thought makes his whole chest tighten and ache. ] I was lacking, please punish me.
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that said, even then, his hand continues to pet through hua cheng's hair, some unconscious and determined desire to soothe. he only stumbles in it when he hears those words, and it is enough to ignore the repeated feeling of no in his blood and nerves as he sits up, which somehow ends with his knees on either side of hua cheng's waist. both of his hands are careful to avoid his hair this time, braced shakily on either side of his head as he looks at him, not frowning exactly but a little sad. it's an odd look probably, because his skin remains flushed pink and his eyes a little blown out, feverish with magic, their connection, and a physical longing so foreign to him he can't even name it.
but his focus is xiao hua. hua cheng. punish? he shifts more of his weight to one hand so he can use the other to, as if hua cheng were very fragile, traipse his fingertips down his jaw and then just frame his face. )
Why would I punish you? You're not lacking at all. Xiao H-- er... Hua Cheng, ( he blushes new when he says his name proper again, because he can feel the thrum of pleasure it induces both ways. his hand stays on his face but his gaze averts, murmuring, a bit flustered, )
... you ... I'm grateful to you.
( only then does he fully realize how possibly suggestive the way he rests on his familiar is, and it is like before when hua cheng changed from cat form to this human form: xie lian jerks back, slipping off of him even though it causes that same sting along every line of consciousness, as if to say he should stay close. the longer they are together, and known to each other now as they are, their connection established and open, the farther apart they can be without discomfort. but that will take time, and even then they will likely find it isn't preferable.
sitting beside hua cheng, on his knees, his one trembling and curled in the extra fabric of his robe, xie lian ducks his head, hair spilling over his shoulder and forward. behind him his other hand curls around his ankle, feeling how it still pulses and wondering if he should be worried. he was supposed to report to jun wu after the second time he was denounced and exiled. such was their private agreement. but he hasn't. choosing instead to go on alone as much as he can. he has caused enough trouble for others, and much of it he could not even fix. he doesn't entirely understand all the proprieties of the shackles. would jun wu have felt that as the one who bound him? he isn't sure.
he shakes his head. what happens, happens.
more importantly...he takes a deep breath, pushing away the dizziness spells, he ends up staring at hua cheng again, taking in how he looks and then wondering when he has ever seen someone this eye catching. probably never. his ears burn, but he smiles at him, truly as grateful as he says and still embarrassingly fond. this time, he lifts the hand from where it's thoroughly crumpled his own robe, only to reach out and pat hua cheng's head, then gently through his hair and again behind his ear. he lets it travel down a little, petting the side of his neck as he would do for him in his cat form, gentle: you did nothing wrong, don't worry. )
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but this shard of reality is even more gorgeous that he could ever conjure up with his mind's eye. xie lian is above him, long, silky hair framing his face and cascading around hua cheng like a protection spell. his flushed face is so beautiful, the softness of his eyes drenching his heart in longing. he wants to hold him and kiss him, apologize for the hurt that made his eyes sad.
his whole body shudders, together with his breathing when his face is touched, eyelashes fluttering. the call of his name has his body slightly arch, the shadow of a moan spilling from his red mouth. if xie lian keeps saying it, they risk to both be in trouble. ]
...gege, I am the grateful one-- [ he's about to say more, how he owes everything he is to his master, but xie lian suddenly moves away as if he got burnt and hua cheng feels a deep pang of pain, resonating through his body as if a limb got removed. too abruptly, too soon, and he winces, his soul protesting against the distance.
he keeps laying and looking at him with his mismatched eyes, unable to restrain the sorrow that not having physical contact gives him. his cruel, unnatural red eye appears particularly human. he smiles in return to the other when his head is petted, the low rumble in his throat much alike a purr as gentle fingers move down to his ear. why do they have to be apart when touching feels so good, when it's the way it should be? why does xie lian dislike being held by him?
hua cheng rolls on his side and he reaches out. they're close enough for his large hand to be able to touch the other's ankle where he's just rubbed it, fingertips tracing the dark marks of his shackle. he would prostrate in front of those feet, let himself be the bones they step on to advance. ]
Gege, won't you lie with me? [ his fingers slip under the hem of his robe, slowly rubbing into his calf. ] You can feel it too, how much it hurts... [ his voice is a little raspy, a little breathless, the pain of not being pressed together mingling with the pleasure of his hand on his neck. he can feel himself crumbling, tugged in two opposite directions at once. ]
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Hua...Hua Cheng...ah...
( he barely manages that much and even just that is too heavy and aching, a wantonness to xie lian's voice that he's never had except —
— once there was a garden.
ah. it isn't that xie lian forgot, but it isn't the same as what is happening here and now with hua cheng. even knowing so little, he knows that much. the poison of the flowers of that garden so long ago left him no choice but physical harm to still his mind and subdue any want. but the magic from hua cheng, this connection that feels red and all consuming, isn't cornering xie lian into a choice he does not even want to make. rather, it is asking him: will you accept me?
and that, the answer was already given when he took a black cat in, even not knowing.
once they are touching, xie lian has some awareness even through their very new bond, that his pulling away had harmed hua cheng as well. so his hands pet through his hair and down his face to his neck again and back, over and over — i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm so sorry — even as he keeps his own face pressed to hua cheng's shoulder. xie lian is blisteringly hot now again, and the little desperate noises he tries to mute into hua cheng's skin come paired with warm wet exhales. )
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he purrs out a noise when his name is called, feeling the echo of it dip along his spine and curl hot in his loins. his desire is becoming impossible to tolerate, not to mention control. he's terrified his body will react but he can't do anything about it. it is the way their connection works, pushing them closer and closer —and it is the way his love works, not bearing to have xie lian far.
he knows how apologetic he is through the tingles of his touch, and he would like to tell him it's okay, they'll work it out together, how this bond functions. yet, he's so overwhelmed he can only focus on how his master sounds, nearly obscene with the way he whimpers in his cold skin, melting it with each breath.
hua cheng can only watch himself act, like he's a puppet on strings, on a stage controlled by lust. he cradles the other's face in his hand and tilts it up, eyes heavy-lidded and nearly panting, and he kisses him. it's chaste just for a moment, the mere pressure of lips together, but it produces such a wave of pleasure, of wholeness, that it quickly turns hungry. hua cheng tastes his lips eagerly with soft, wet sounds, not aggressive, but assertive. learning the other's taste leaves him high and he unwittingly shifts some of his weight forward, partially pressing the older in the mattress under his naked frame, as if he wanted to shield him from the world with his large back. ]
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Hua Cheng ah —
( his name slips out of swollen red lips more a moan than speaking, both of xie lian's arms coming up over his shoulders in a lover's embrace as if he is now the one afraid of any distance between them. their noses brush. xie lian's mouth clumsily touches to his, less about being chaste and more being too disoriented to be more graceful. he just wants and doesn't know how to say it or even what it is. his body feels like there is a red string binding him around his legs, his waist, his chest, his arms, his throat, making him parched, making him desperate, making everything feel — )
Hua Cheng.
( his name like a spell, like 'i love you', like a plea. xie lian's voice breaks. one hand has fisted in that long dark hair, trembling. the other curls white knuckled at the juncture of his neck and shoulder. beneath him, xie lian lies pliant from heat and rigid from exhaustive want all at once, legs parted to let hua cheng rest that much closer to him. it goes against every single teaching, but xie lian's magic has been sealed off for a long, long time except for the little he can borrow. ruoye, having curled like a displeased cat on a nearby nightstand, is a different entity. and over time, xie lian has persisted in both his prison of long-livedness, agelessness, by virtue of perseverance itself and an unparalleled mastery of his qi. even without his magic, in many ways, he is not an easy target, or would not have been were it not for the dispelling of any of his fortune as well. bad luck does seem to find him more often than not.
but not this time.
taking in the black cat xiao hua felt like a blessing, and now under the protective warmth and weight of hua cheng, it feels even truer. it is only in feeling mysteriously safe and whole, soft sounds of need muffled into hua cheng's jaw or throat, that xie lian even vaguely recognizes — if only for a moment — how incomplete he felt before. so now, as close as they are, it is all but impossible to resist the pull, their own natural gravity towards each other. )
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Gege... gege, I'm here. [ he mumbles hoarsely in return, licking eagerly the other's taste behind his teeth and rubbing their tongues together, lewd and needy. legs part to accomodate him and hua cheng groans, accidentally shifting more of his weight down, while elegant fingers wrap around almost the whole circumference of xie lian's lean thigh. he rubs into it, the fabric around his middle finger tickling the smooth skin. his master is so perfect, from head to toe. he wants to worship every inch of his body, he wants to show him how devoted he's been all these centuries, even while they were apart. these kisses too are a way to venerate him.
hua cheng pulls back when he feels xie lian breathing too quickly for comfort, the rise and fall of his chest nearly aching, and he buries his mouth in the side of his neck. he licks at the outline of that shackle all the way to his throat. ] I am yours... I am all for you. [ that is a prayer in itself too: praying to be of use to him. he sucks onto his adam's apple with a breathy, pleased noise, before he realizes what he's done and he exhales shakily, a cold panic creeping under his skin. how dares he marking his master? staining him with more than a fleeting touch? unacceptable.
hua cheng shudders deeply, ashamed, burying his face in his neck to hide himself. his hands stroke his outer thighs, gentle now, light. ] Dianxia, forgive me. I've been so indecent... [ he trails off, clearly meaning to ask for punishment again, but stopping because xie lian disliked that earlier. his voice is raspy and breathless, giving away the want that still lingers in his blood, courses in his veins.
their bond is making it extremely obvious too, whispering to xie lian about how hua cheng belongs to him from head to toe, how xie lian can do anything he wants to him, how he's there to serve and happy to do it. it speaks of his pleasure in being touched and pulled closer, and how absolutely enamoured he is. ]
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he makes soft sounds of coaxing, of reassurance, as if hua cheng is once again in is xiao hua form, petting him the same and holding him close, letting him breathe in not just his scent but also the sense of his energy. even shackled as he is, every magic user will have some distinctions, in particular for an entity like a familiar. hua cheng will be able to sense him in every variation of that word in a way no one else can, and the opposite will also be true. )
It's alright, ( a soft repetition, xie lian kisses hua cheng's crown, and while his body still trembles ever so slightly, it's mitigated by the overarching calm he exudes. warm. open. safe. he doesn't want hua cheng to feel bad but he also doesn't want to order him how to feel. instead, he tries to convey his own feelings through their bond. it's a little clumsy, needing practice, but even in that, xie lian is a quick learner. a fumbling thread of lightness that fizzles out half way to his familiar, is followed by a stronger one, a temperate glow of something stable and replete with trust: you've done nothing wrong, in my eyes. )
Thank you for finding me.
( whispered into hua cheng's hair, he closes his eyes, sighing softly, still running his fingers through the length of it, the other hand curled protective underneath it at his nape. )
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punishment is what hua cheng always received from those around him, for the sin of being born with a red eye and so probably the influence of an unlucky star. constantly chased away and harassed even for things he didn't do, he doesn't know any other way for his wrongs or shortcomings to be fixed that isn't being punished. xie lian is the first who's so generous.
he laughs breathily in his neck, inhaling his scent as much as his presence, the feeling of his power and his qi. he basks in it all as if it was sunlight. and then warmth does come, not just from the other's body but through their bond and hua cheng shivers deeply, unused to it. it's like a physical touch reaching behind his ribs and soothing his soul, caressing it like xie lian's fingers do his locks. ]
Gege... [ he calls breathlessly, a small whine pressed into his throat. their bond will make him go crazy one day, he's sure of it. he's so close to xie lian thanks to it, closer than anyone else could ever hope to be. that in itself is worth having sacrificed so much of himself and his life for power.
he hums low in his throat at the older's words, smiling shyly to himself as he hugs him tight now, forgetting himself to the point that he's pressing most of his weight on him. he squeezes him gently, nuzzles into his neck, much like his cat self. ]
Thank you for taking me in. [ he smiles and that content expression is still on his face as he shifts lower so that his chin can rest on the other's chest, and he can admire him from there. ] Gege, could you call me San Lang? You know how it feels when you call my real name... [ he rests the side of his face against his sternum, the flimsy fabric of his robe, smiling cheekily. he's sure xie lian has felt that ripple of pleasure too; it'd be quite dangerous to keep toying with it. ]
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his cheeks bloom pink as his head jerks in a slight nod. ah...he looks away, finding the edges of the sheets fascinating as he replies, warm if a bit self conscious, )
Oh um yes, ah yes that's...yes. ( his heart quickened like so many butterflies, he tries the requested name out and finds even that is familiar too, a comfortable shape and warmth on his tongue, ) San Lang.
( saying it feels so nice that he ends up looking back at him, reaching behind hua cheng's head with both hands to idly begin braiding his hair. certainly from this angle it's a little odd and it's not very neat, but something in their bond asks that he keep touching even in small, intimate but arguably harmless ways. )
I like it...it suits you.
( one hand leaves off on the braid, fingertips trailing forward to graze his temple, and then his cheek. the resonant heat of their bond is as calming as it is thrilling, running along his every nerve and nestling into each of his breaths. it's such a wholeness that it almost hurts, but then it isn't truly pain; just the excruciating nature of feeling everything of another being. you feel so familiar, he thinks but does not say, distracted as ruoye decides it has had enough and flits down to slip back around xie lian's forearm with all the air of a child tugging on a guardian's sleeve. )
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he likes when xie lian's cheeks become so pink and he reaches out, a cold hand going to stroke it, cooling and affectionate at once. his eyes narrow into crescents for a moment, happy, when his name is called.
he sighs happily, eyes fluttering shut when his hair starts getting braided, one hand stroking his master's side and the opposite drawing invisible lines on his chest, above the fabric. it's amusing how xie lian is so lost in their bond that he seems to completely overlook the fact hua cheng is still very naked while on top of him, the more hair he braids, the more his pale skin is in views —not that he minds, it all belongs to the older. he could fall asleep like this, more loved than he's ever been in his entire existence, accepted as a whole, in the place where he's supposed to be, his master's arms.
that is, until the other brat who lives here makes an appearance and hua cheng opens his eyes, looking at ruoye unamused. just to have xie lian's attention shift onto him again he catches the opposite arm the silk band wraps around and he starts kissing the other's hand, starting from his heel and then peppering pecks all over his palm. were ruoye to peek its head out again, hua cheng would look at it with smugness all over his features, look who's getting more attention from master.
as if on cue, someone else who likes master peeks out —it's the small ruby attached to hua cheng's black collar, mounted on silver. the light on it shifts and an eye opens, hua cheng humming from his throat when he feels it. ] No. Dianxia may have heard about you, but that doesn't mean it wants to meet you. [ hua cheng huffs, fingers going to flick at his collar. that doesn't deter it because the eye blinks faster, until the familiar has to sigh. ]
You like magical artifacts, don't you, gege? Have you heard about E'ming?
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hua cheng's words make him blink, peering at the flicker of red. it had been a part of his collar, but the magic emanating from it feels new, or newly awakened, somehow connected to hua cheng himself. thinking this, xie lian's gaze flits back and forth. )
En....I do, but I'm sorry...I haven't heard of E'ming, but I would like to.
( tentatively his free hand reaches towards the blinking eye, using just the curve of his fingertip to smooth along what is arguably the frame or the eyelid, depending how you look at it. the trilling sort of noise it makes is compounded by the childlike happiness, almost giddy, and it floods xie lian's senses in a way that is golden and incredibly pure. and again there is that feeling of something...familiar. something known. but he cannot discern precisely what. he blinks, still peering at the eye that seems for all the world to be smiling, giving it most of his attention despite how ruoye peeks out of his sleeve again. it's only when he feels it tickling along the back of his arm that he once again offers it reassurance, smiling in turn, first ruoye, then e'ming, then hua cheng, lingering on the last...
...which leads to him finally noticing the obvious this whole time: hua cheng was not wearing clothes as a cat, so of course he isn't magically wearing any as a person! the spring pink in xie lian's complexion blooms to a burning red and he ends up reclaiming both his hands just to cover his face. since his palms are pressed a bit tightly, his words get muffled against them, )
S-San Lang...let me...ah...get you something...you know...to wear...?
( and then he splays his fingers and peeks through them anyway to at least look at his face, laughing sheepishly still into his own hands. )
Ha... ha I can't...um... believe I didn't ...offer before!
( yes he can. he was rather in a near bewitched state after all, as close to drunk as he has ever been off of the waking of their bond, which even now seems to wend around them like an unbreakable red string. )
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he simply appreciates the warmth of the other's frame underneath him as his master dotes on e'ming and tries to keep ruoye under control. until, there's a wave of utter embarrassment that takes his breath away, definitely not coming from him, and hua cheng raises his gaze to xie lian questioningly, that precious hand stolen from his touch to hide the older's face.
ah, it seems he eventually realized. hua cheng can't help smiling to himself, amused. it becomes even more adoring when the other peeks at him through fingers. the need to tease him bubbles up. ]
I don't want to. [ he claims cheekily, looking at xie lian even as he drags his nose on his chest, lips brushing against the thin fabric at each word. ] If you do that, we'll have to part and I want to stay as close as possible. [ his voice is low and warm, wetted by the noise of his lips. he lays his cheek on the other's sternum again and breathes deeply.
in that position, the view is not as explicit as it could be. there's the width of his shoulders and the dip of his spine, the ripples of his back muscles and the mounts of his buttocks, skin as pale as moonlight. ]
I can get dressed in the morning. [ he offers, mouth pressing right at the junction between the two halves of xie lian's robe, so partially on fabric and partially directly on skin. ] Gege always used to tell me that Xiao Hua didn't have to worry about my lack of clothes. [ he's entirely being a brat now, lips grazing upwards, leaving a string of pecks that ends right below the hollow of his collar bones. he gives it a soft lap, as if he still was xiao hua at all. ]
All you see, gege, from head to toe... It all belongs to you.
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but you're a cat, he thinks feebly and knows he is just trying to console himself as his eyes catch on everything he can see before he closes them tightly again, fingers closing.
this, however, is a mistake. it heightens every single thing hua cheng does from the kiss he can only half feel through his robe and half skin to skin, to the weight of his body on him, a comforting strength accented by the teasing trail of kisses he gives him. his heart beats a little too fast, temperature from feverish to burning as he feels that gentle lap. )
San Lang... ( his tone is halfway pleading halfway exasperated and still somehow entirely fond, embarrassingly fond, as if he can respond and return hua cheng's words to him tenfold in feeling alone and perhaps he can: through their bond comes another relentless cascade of affection, because hua cheng says he belongs to him but the reverse is also true. master and familiar, one of the oldest bonds and the strongest.
with a deep, shuddering breath, xie lian finally lowers his hands and opens his eyes, this time reaching the shorter distance down to cup either side of hua cheng's face, thumbing along the sharp of his cheeks. )
First of all, it is morning. ( technically. like very early hours. ) Second, you don't have to worry about it we do need to get you some, especially if you'll be coming with me like this from now on, right? ( he sighs, but he's smiling. then he pets back through hua cheng's hair where the braid has already unraveled. ) And thirdly,
I belong to you too.
( and the flush that only just started to ease, flares up again but this time xie lian doesn't look away, instead continuing to pet hua cheng very much as he would have xiao hua. while he does so, ruoye takes the silent direction and slithers up into the air to head over and somehow grab one of xie lian's spare robes. it's also white, and certainly it won't fit hua cheng "correctly" but it is something, which is all xie lian was really trying for for tonight anyway.
ruoye though, displeased by the division of master's attention, takes this moment to unceremoniously drop said robe. it intends to drop it on hua cheng's head only, obscuring him from xie lian however briefly, but it ends up canopying over both of them like a strange white veil. )
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he looks indeed like a pleased cat when his face is cradled, eyes softer than ever meeting xie lian's. i adore you, his bond whispers to every inch of xie lian's body and soul. he unwittingly tilts his head into the touch of a thumb, nearly purring.
he chuckles quietly: well, he supposes it is morning indeed. he nods at the second point, sighing softly because he expects the third one will be about how he needs to start getting dressed now. instead those words are so much different and hua cheng freezes.
for a long moment, all he can hear is a buzzing noise in his ears, while warmth creeps through him in ways he's gotten unfamiliar with. he replays in his mind the shape of xie lian's perfect mouth as it molded around the words, the echo of his voice as soft as a caress. he can't be mistaken... he really did say he belongs to hua cheng, didn't he?
the moment of stillness lasts a bit longer as that robe drapes on their heads from who knows where, hua cheng so out of it he didn't even notice ruoye. their hot breaths mingle under that fabric, like their gazes that are glued together, and their souls that are entwined.
many wizards through history found their familiars simply tools or, at best, pets. a pleasant, handy company. but xie lian right now told him he considers them equals; that the room in hua cheng's heart that belongs to xie lian has a twin one in his master's own for him. xie lian has just told he's hua cheng's.
like a downpour, rain crashing down at once, the realization hits hua cheng and takes his breath away, pushing him to act impulsively again. his movement is smooth like a cat's as he gets on his knees, legs in between the other's, and he wraps both arms around xie lian's waist, sweeping him in his embrace and kissing him under that thin veil-like fabric. it's a breathtaking kiss, one that contains everything not even the intensity of their bond can communicate. it tells xie lian of how much he adores him and worships him, how much he means to him, how he cannot live without him. his breathing is harsh but his lips and tongue are sweet even in their boldness.
i'll love you and protect you forever, this kiss says through their connection, like a promise during the rite of marriage, that veil on their heads highlighting the holiness of their bond, that very much resembles the way humans tie one's fate with their loved one's. ]
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hua cheng could never just be a tool to be used or a shallow perception of a pet.
somehow, xie lian knows him and doesn't know why he thinks this, even before today. yet he is sure.
his next inhale is a slightly more desperate gasp, panting against the sharp line of hua cheng's jaw, indeed angling his face so when his eyes close his eyelashes brush against the skin there, feather light. )
San Lang...
( only his name, but it is also love, trust, and a dozen other ways to say i don't want to let you go. it would make him feel silly if he wasn't still reeling from the kiss and the influx of both of their feelings. getting control over them so there is not a constant rush of it any given second will take some time, but time they have. the faint tremble in xie lian's hand as he smooths through hua cheng's hair, despite it not needing it, is just the relieved confusion of joy, having quietly, quietly forgotten what that felt like. then again, xie lian counts himself, even with consciously relinquished fortune of any kind...lucky.
because he can recognize it, because he knows that butterfly lightness in his heart.
his worst days of recent were already always made better by xiao hua as xiao hua. how lucky, then, to receive even more? he wonders idly if the shackle is failing, and one hand unconsciously touches the one at his throat, knowing the answer. of course it wouldn't be any weaker no matter the outside force, not given who it was created by. but it is what he deserves and he knows that.
so all the more reason to be grateful for his familiar finding him.
the hand in hua cheng's hair comes to rest at his nape, curled there gently, like hua cheng is precious and the one to be protected. if xie lian's magic were free, it would have very possibly knocked them both out in its response to hua cheng's, but bound as it is, all xie lian has to offer does its best to wrap around him even so. his qi, his sentiment, the warmth of his body still flushed pink and red but having given up on the clothing point for now, preferring to just stay close for a moment longer after all. )
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he can feel how happy xie lian is and it is intoxicating. is he happy because of hua cheng? that's such a preposterous thought. but his familiar is content to be with him while he's happy, while he feels this peaceful and whole. their little bubble under that robe. he presses the softest of pecks on the other's cheekbone, before his hand goes to drag away the fabric from above their heads, cold oxygen enwrapping them.
those words spoken by xie lian are engraved on his heart, the strokes getting deeper every moment they spend together this close. can he really accept this? that xie lian belongs to him? that his master is giving himself to hua cheng? the notion makes him too happy, so much so that his body can't contain it, nor their connection, like water spilling from the top of a dam.
hua cheng pulls back and lets go, little distance between their frames, but enough for him to sit and slip that white robe on, like his master wanted. needless to say, it's small in all the ways, it's both too narrow and too short, but hua cheng pulls the two halves close together at the front. it shows much of his chest still, but at least it covers between his legs and a little further down his thighs. he can feel his heart itching: he's wearing his master's clothing. it makes him a little too excited.
hua cheng then gathers his hair and tugs it to the front. it's so long that even like that it pools past his hips. large hands pull xie lian closer and he tugs his legs so they rest on top of his thighs and stretch past them, so they can face each other still. ]
Can gege braid my hair again? So it won't get in the way while we sleep. [ he looks at him with adoring eyes. by the position he's put them in, it's obvious he doesn't want to turn his back to him even if that would make the hair styling easier. ] If gege doesn't like it, you can cut it too. [ he offers easily..]
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the question about his hair catches him off guard, blinking owlishly for a second before he smiles at him, a smile so broad in fact that his eyes close briefly before he opens them again and reaches for the offered waterfall of hair. there really is so much of it, and it's beautiful. it also smells nice, to the point that he's inclined to press his face into it the way he would xiao hua's neck or back, breathing him in, but in this case he stops himself before he can do it, clearing his throat distractedly as he begins to comb his tapered fingers through the lengths of it. it's a methodical, patient practice xie lian wouldn't and doesn't spend on his own hair, but xiao hua has elicited a desire to sort of pamper him ever since finding xie lian. hua cheng inspires the same.
as he works out any stray tangles or would-be snags with utmost gentleness, the sense hua cheng will get from him is one of soothing and gratitude. love is its overarching core, but these particulars shine too. because yes, he is happy because of hua cheng, and the only confusion there is that not only had xie lian almost forgotten what it felt like but also had failed to notice that he had nearly forgotten in the first place. )
I would only cut your hair if you wanted it to be cut, San Lang.
( this he says as he begins braiding it, a thick braid due to the constitution of hua cheng's hair, and he keeps the plaits soft so that they don't pull on his scalp or hang uncomfortably higher or lower. it rests perfectly against his neck and shoulder, and here and there xie lian pauses to fluff it a little even though it doesn't need it; he just thinks it's cute. his gaze flickers to e'ming briefly and a thought occurs to him. he reaches for one of hua cheng's hands and places it around where he's in the middle of braiding. )
Hold it for me for a moment, please!
( then he climbs off of hua cheng (feeling the pang of discomfort for the separation but it's like their bodies can tell he's coming right back, it doesn't hurt as much as the recoil before), and more so falls off of the bed than anything, but it's xie lian so he just keeps moving! to the other side of the room where there's a small side table of random things and though his back is to him briefly, hua cheng will hear a soft 'ah!' before xie lian hurries back, obviously so involved with his task of his hair that basically climbing back into his lap, legs on either side of him again to let them be close, doesn't make him turn redder than the flowers in his hands.
he holds one up, so close that it probably makes hua cheng a bit crosseyed. )
They'll look nice in San Lang's hair.
( for all his bad luck, there are still some good things that happen: for example, stumbling on a field of wild flowers in his travels gathering other people's discards and rejects. he sets to work artfully working the flowers in along the remaining plaits, several red, one white. and hua cheng may feel it: a twinge of something sad, a bone deep ache that quickly gets suppressed. who taught him how to do this? it must have been mu qing, who would braid them into xie lian's hair, though perhaps feng xin had a hand in it too, never holding back on his criticisms of the other. vaguely he recalls flowers in his mother's hair too. and then he tucks those thoughts quietly, deeply away, tying off the end of hua cheng's hair with a simple undyed twine.
he doesn't move away but he sits back a little to survey his work and the look on his face is almost as young as people would believe him to be.
oh...that's not bad, he thinks, a little surprised at himself. it's been so long since he cared about appearance. granted, hua cheng would look good no matter the style of his hair, but there's a tentative almost unnoticeable ripple of relief in xie lian's heart. yes, he didn't do a bad job at all. )
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he can sense the other's content, placid feelings and he basks into them happily, in turn feeding their bond through that infinite loop. the way the older smiles so openly at his question leaves him surprised, blinking at him like one would be in the sun, trying to get used to all that unrestrained, beautiful light: that's xie lian's smile, even prettier than sunbeams. it makes hua cheng's heart skip a beat and he shyly looks away, because he feels too happy, nearly giddy and it's so foreign. warmth reaches his every nerve ending and floods him, leaving him breathless.
how can someone as beautiful as xie lian exist? and how can someone as unworthy as hua cheng be allowed to witness such a gorgeous smile from him? he can't allow himself to think that maybe that smile was caused by himself, or else he'll combust.
hua cheng plays with his fingers and the fabric of xie lian's robe while the other untangles his hair, glancing at him every now and then, like a shy child. they're so close his scent is stark and so his warmth. his fingers make him scalp tingle even if they're working along the length of his locks. hua cheng has never been so nervous, an innocent, anticipating type of nervousness.
he looks a little curious again when he feels gratitude coming from xie lian and he tries and scan his face for answers, but then the other talks and he forgets all about it. ]
I don't care about my hair... I want to keep it the way gege likes it. [ he confesses softly. by how overjoyed xie lian is to style it, he seems to have an answer on whether or not he should cut it.
he's confused when he's made to hold his hair and he almost stops doing it when the other scrambles off the bed. hua cheng's eyes widen and he nearly reaches out to pick him up from the floor, just to see his indestructible gege rush off to the nightstand again. it makes hua cheng laugh softly. his master is truly an unstoppable force.
he's quite curious about what had him so excited and his mismatched eyes do get crossed while trying to put into focus what xie lian is showing him so close. a flower? yes, his master used to love flowers as much as artifacts, he remembers that. but... how could pretty flowers suit him? hua cheng hunches a little in his shoulders, insecure. ]
Gege... won't those flowers be wasted on someone like me? [ he asks quietly. they would fit a beauty like xie lian without any effort. but not him.
his concerns fizzle away, though, in the face of xie lian's sudden sadness. hua cheng feels the deep sorrow, enough to shatter his breath in two and have his heart crumble. it's such pain, such longing, all at once. it hurts so much. it's sadness for things and people lost, one hua cheng never personally felt, because nobody besides his master ever dared getting close enough to him. but the familiar knows sorrow in and out. he hopes that, through their connection, that pain will weigh a little less on xie lian's shoulders.
large hands rub soothingly at the other's knees and up along his thighs, quietly saying, i am here, you are not alone anymore, i am with you. ]
...do I look okay? [ he asks, quiet and conscious, when xie lian has finished his work and pulls back just enough to look at it. hua cheng chances a peek at the older, before looking down again. he takes his hands now and kisses the knuckles of both: those holy, skilled hands.
he infuses his power into the flowers, fixing any possible crease or broken petal, making them bloom at the best of their abilities, color brighter. he can only hope he looks decent enough for his master to want to lay eyes on him. ]
Thank you, gege. [ he smiles shyly, nearly childlike, before he fills the distance between them to press a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth. ]
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It suits you perfectly, San Lang. You make them look better.
( and, not just through their bond but through his behavior, xie lian notes a kind of shyness in his familiar, even as he watches with calm admiration as the flowers seem to revive brighter and softer than they were even originally. he doesn't know why his familiar emanates this shyness and a sort of sense of unworthiness, but it feels intrusive to ask, so he just lets one hand slide from his face to curl reassuringly on his shoulder, the other going to pet again behind his ear: you're good, don't worry, you're good. all the while, he relaxes a little even in hua cheng's lap as he is, the weight of his hands a curious comfort xie lian feels foreign to. maybe he is too reassured, because a dizzy spell sweeps through him, this one softer than the one that had flooded him on the surge of hua cheng's magic. he blinks slowly before gently resting his fore head to hua cheng's shoulder, soft breaths warm and a little shallow against the bare skin.
it's not like he's uneducated in the terms of familiars and how they work, the many ways. but it has been a long time since he thought about it at all, much less the broad spectrum of manners in which these bonds can manifest and develop upon meeting. some of it is the residual and stark contrast of going from nearly no magic, to much too much, to something idling closer to the former again yet buzzing with the latter. )
Sorry...San Lang...
( he means to say that he just needs a moment, but he ends up just focusing on breathing, the hand on hua cheng's shoulder sliding down and curling affectionately around his braid, mindful of the flowers. and he has the thought again, perplexing: how familiar hua cheng feels. his presence. his voice. his scent. the still lingering taste of him that cannot be chalked up to solely a matter of being his familiar. like he's met him before, too long ago to remember.
even with the odd wave of tiredness, xie lian's whole emotional demeanor inside and out is calm, disciplinedly so. all he wants hua cheng to feel is that he is cared for and accepted. he genuinely feels other people will love him too, given the chance, but starting with xie lian himself is something. )
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xie lian's sudden dizziness, though, can't help worrying him, his whole mind clearing of any thought. the initial wave of magic must've been hard to bear through: is this sudden feeling of sickness related to that, or is it because the other is once again devoid of it, now that it's swum back to hua cheng?
either way, it is entirely his fault and hua cheng sighs deeply, a frown in place. he hugs him gently to his chest, ignoring the feigning of calm. he can look past appearances and that's a gift, because xie lian is sadly too apt at hiding pain and discomfort: hua cheng would never notice them, if they didn't have this thread connecting their souls.
cradled that smaller frame in his arms, hua cheng lays down, on his side, carrying him with him. he adjusts the pillow underneath him with his nose and by dragging the corner with his teeth, like he would've done as a cat, as he keeps hugging him protectively. one hand leaves him for barely a moment just to tug the covers on top of them, fixing them especially on the older. he kisses his forehead and the bridge of his nose and his bangs. ]
Gege, I'm here with you. There's no need to pretend. [ he whispers, tone soft and warm. if only xie lian could trust him with everything he is and everything he feels. he doesn't want to be shielded from the real him. ]
Whatever you need, I can give it to you. [ he can look after him, treat him, protect him. that's what he's gathered so much power for; the sole, entire reason. ] You can rest. There's nothing to worry about. [ he mumbles in his ear, deep voice full and soft, just like those caresses that are being rubbed in his narrow back. ]
Once the sun is up, I'll still be here with you. You won't wake up alone ever again. [ it's like a lullaby, trying to soothe xie lian enough for sleep. hua cheng technically doesn't need it and so he'll watch over him.
hopefully the other's frame will be able to get used to the fluctuations of power come morning. he doesn't want to make xie lian sick anymore. ]