( that hua cheng thinks of xie lian biting himself as hurting himself is perhaps one of the sweetest and most stark differences between them. to xie lian it is second nature even if it is the barest bones of self repression. that he accepts everything nearly else that hua cheng does is, as hua cheng intuits, largely the result of being driven out of his mind.
it feels like freedom, if xie lian could remember it, could recognize the life he leads now yet a stray god but still under what he perceives as the generous thumb of jun wu, versus the life he could lead ('should', his believer might say), if.
but they aren't there yet; he's not there yet.
maybe this is enough.
it takes hua cheng phrasing it as if he is receiving for xie lian to finally let go. even moments before that: vibrating with a palpable heat, shameful whimpers bleeding out into their kisses, though xie lian neither bit himself nor hua cheng, the hand not in hua cheng's hair ended up with his own fingernails digging red crescents into the palm as if to cut himself off somehow in the midst of everything. but hua cheng's asking is as present in his wrecked voice as it is his magic, even more so, entering xie lian's qi in a way that's impossibly intimate in two ways: something carnal and foreign that makes the cry that rips out of xie lian's throat as devastated as it is wanton, as much a cry of pleasure as it is a desperation for more — like a person who has been starved for so long they forgot what it is to feel hunger but once whetted, cannot cure their need; and: something just as heartbreakingly...kind, the single trusted embrace at the end of a long, long day.
if he wasn't so dizzy and on the verge of passing out, overwrought and overwhelmed, xie lian really would be embarrassed as his body arches so violently even his feet come up off the bed, turning his head to press his face against the sheets damp with his sweat, tears, and saliva, speckles of blood on the white from his mouth. it bares the side of his neck to hua cheng like an offering, though not an obligation. his familiar or not, his believer or not, he would never want to corner him into anything, especially after so self indulgently accepting so much. he comes down slow, vaguely aware of how sticky his stomach and thighs are, the thick heaviness of hua cheng's scent and his own drowning the room in a way that makes it hard for xie lian to breathe and yet he likes it, floating in a blurred haze of afterglow which is only sullied by xie lian's own guilt and foreignness to it all. tendrils at the edges of his thoughts are in quiet panic and then he reminds himself he has no magic to pollute, no cultivation to damage.
somehow, he still feels guilty, but it's far enough beneath the waves of pleasure and the love he feels for hua cheng that it's not too present in their bond.
more obvious: are you alright? san lang? can i do anything for...for you?
xie lian speaks anxiously and adoringly all at once through their bond, unable to find his physical voice. blindly, the hand in hua cheng's hair finally slips from where it is tangled to softly caress his face, sort of petting, sort of just clearly wanting to touch. xie lian's body shivers from head to toe, still so stimulated even after release, wired in a way he cannot quite mitigate, his qi experiencing repeated ripples from hua cheng's flood of magic like it's trying to hold him inside instead of letting it all balance out again between them. )
[ What a miracle it is, to be able to see this for himself, the wonder of Xie Lian overcome by good, by pleasure, by the freedom of accepting what he wants to without any restrictions. Hua Cheng knows it'll be short-lived, he can feel the hold of panic getting closer and closer. It's his own fault, he's the one who pushed Xie Lian so far, he would gladly take any punishment for it onto himself only, but he knows his torture will be quietly observing as his master hurts himself with guilt and shame. And that always makes Hua Cheng's heart bleed more than any sort of pain he could endure.
For now, though, for now he can admire as pleasure wrecks his beautiful frame, he can feel the wave of it crashing against himself and his own body absorbing it, to the point that Hua Cheng reaches his own climax barely realizing it. There's a broken, husky noise spilt into the other's mouth, his body tightening and his underpants getting stained, and yet he only registers it in the back of his mind, with how busy observing the love of his life he is.
He peppers kisses all over the side of his face and onto that seductive neck bared all for him, and he laps softly like a cat at the holy beads of sweats. He kisses the outline of the bite mark he'd left, gentle enough to just make it tingle, before he looks up back at Xie Lian. His expression has never been so adoring, wholly sweet, the only one he sees in the whole world, his red lips curved into the softest smile. ]
You've done everything for me already. [ He whispers on his cheek, a little hoarse, sealing it with a peck. I'll take care of it, gege, he promises quietly, shifting even if their connection nearly cries at their bodies not being pressed together anymore. He gently tugs off the other's underpants, ever so light as he wipes him clean with the soft fabric before covering him with the sheets. He then gets off the bed for a moment to undress himself too, red and white fabric meeting on the floor. By the time Xie Lian is up again, those robes will be clean and dry again, hanging each in its own spot, as if nothing ever happened.
Hua Cheng slips into bed naked, cradling Xie Lian in his arms with the sheets in between. He caresses his hair and kisses his forehead and temples, trying to keep away those feelings of guilt that are burning at the edges. Large hands rub at his trembling frame, soothe muscles and soul as he holds him so close. Let it go, gege. Let it all go., he suggests softly, feeling the way he's trying to hold onto his magic, as well as his struggle against the onslaught of feelings. Only think of my kisses, he jokes with a smile that bleeds even into the lilt of his thoughts, while he presses soft kisses all over the other's beautiful features, the corners of his eyes, his damp eyelashes, he licks at his swollen lips that still taste of blood. If only he could make him forget about everything else.
Forget about the world today, it's just us. Gege and I., what else could one need with their love in his arms? Hua Cheng smiles bright, rubbing that cocoon in his embrace and kissing the most beautiful man in the world. He doesn't say it and yet as always, his side of the bond screams it no matter Hua Cheng trying to smother it: I love you I love you I love you.]
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it feels like freedom, if xie lian could remember it, could recognize the life he leads now yet a stray god but still under what he perceives as the generous thumb of jun wu, versus the life he could lead ('should', his believer might say), if.
but they aren't there yet; he's not there yet.
maybe this is enough.
it takes hua cheng phrasing it as if he is receiving for xie lian to finally let go. even moments before that: vibrating with a palpable heat, shameful whimpers bleeding out into their kisses, though xie lian neither bit himself nor hua cheng, the hand not in hua cheng's hair ended up with his own fingernails digging red crescents into the palm as if to cut himself off somehow in the midst of everything. but hua cheng's asking is as present in his wrecked voice as it is his magic, even more so, entering xie lian's qi in a way that's impossibly intimate in two ways: something carnal and foreign that makes the cry that rips out of xie lian's throat as devastated as it is wanton, as much a cry of pleasure as it is a desperation for more — like a person who has been starved for so long they forgot what it is to feel hunger but once whetted, cannot cure their need; and: something just as heartbreakingly...kind, the single trusted embrace at the end of a long, long day.
if he wasn't so dizzy and on the verge of passing out, overwrought and overwhelmed, xie lian really would be embarrassed as his body arches so violently even his feet come up off the bed, turning his head to press his face against the sheets damp with his sweat, tears, and saliva, speckles of blood on the white from his mouth. it bares the side of his neck to hua cheng like an offering, though not an obligation. his familiar or not, his believer or not, he would never want to corner him into anything, especially after so self indulgently accepting so much. he comes down slow, vaguely aware of how sticky his stomach and thighs are, the thick heaviness of hua cheng's scent and his own drowning the room in a way that makes it hard for xie lian to breathe and yet he likes it, floating in a blurred haze of afterglow which is only sullied by xie lian's own guilt and foreignness to it all. tendrils at the edges of his thoughts are in quiet panic and then he reminds himself he has no magic to pollute, no cultivation to damage.
somehow, he still feels guilty, but it's far enough beneath the waves of pleasure and the love he feels for hua cheng that it's not too present in their bond.
more obvious: are you alright? san lang? can i do anything for...for you?
xie lian speaks anxiously and adoringly all at once through their bond, unable to find his physical voice. blindly, the hand in hua cheng's hair finally slips from where it is tangled to softly caress his face, sort of petting, sort of just clearly wanting to touch. xie lian's body shivers from head to toe, still so stimulated even after release, wired in a way he cannot quite mitigate, his qi experiencing repeated ripples from hua cheng's flood of magic like it's trying to hold him inside instead of letting it all balance out again between them. )
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For now, though, for now he can admire as pleasure wrecks his beautiful frame, he can feel the wave of it crashing against himself and his own body absorbing it, to the point that Hua Cheng reaches his own climax barely realizing it. There's a broken, husky noise spilt into the other's mouth, his body tightening and his underpants getting stained, and yet he only registers it in the back of his mind, with how busy observing the love of his life he is.
He peppers kisses all over the side of his face and onto that seductive neck bared all for him, and he laps softly like a cat at the holy beads of sweats. He kisses the outline of the bite mark he'd left, gentle enough to just make it tingle, before he looks up back at Xie Lian. His expression has never been so adoring, wholly sweet, the only one he sees in the whole world, his red lips curved into the softest smile. ]
You've done everything for me already. [ He whispers on his cheek, a little hoarse, sealing it with a peck. I'll take care of it, gege, he promises quietly, shifting even if their connection nearly cries at their bodies not being pressed together anymore. He gently tugs off the other's underpants, ever so light as he wipes him clean with the soft fabric before covering him with the sheets. He then gets off the bed for a moment to undress himself too, red and white fabric meeting on the floor. By the time Xie Lian is up again, those robes will be clean and dry again, hanging each in its own spot, as if nothing ever happened.
Hua Cheng slips into bed naked, cradling Xie Lian in his arms with the sheets in between. He caresses his hair and kisses his forehead and temples, trying to keep away those feelings of guilt that are burning at the edges. Large hands rub at his trembling frame, soothe muscles and soul as he holds him so close. Let it go, gege. Let it all go., he suggests softly, feeling the way he's trying to hold onto his magic, as well as his struggle against the onslaught of feelings. Only think of my kisses, he jokes with a smile that bleeds even into the lilt of his thoughts, while he presses soft kisses all over the other's beautiful features, the corners of his eyes, his damp eyelashes, he licks at his swollen lips that still taste of blood. If only he could make him forget about everything else.
Forget about the world today, it's just us. Gege and I., what else could one need with their love in his arms? Hua Cheng smiles bright, rubbing that cocoon in his embrace and kissing the most beautiful man in the world. He doesn't say it and yet as always, his side of the bond screams it no matter Hua Cheng trying to smother it: I love you I love you I love you.]