( the pain is exponential once it is going both ways and for a moment xie lian's vision goes dark. it is hua cheng's touch to his ankle and then along his calf that steadies him, sight clearing a little. underneath the hurt of not being close enough there yet remains that scintillating feeling of warmth. sucking in a sharp breath, xie lian murmurs as he slowly curls to lie down with him again, not sure where to lie but ending up flush against him in a way he would once again veer back from normally. but this time when their bodies touch even through xie lian's white robe, thin as it is, the relief is as blinding as the pain was. there's a gasping whimper that xie lian muffles into hua cheng's shoulder, sounding both like need and apology. )
Hua...Hua Cheng...ah...
( he barely manages that much and even just that is too heavy and aching, a wantonness to xie lian's voice that he's never had except —
— once there was a garden.
ah. it isn't that xie lian forgot, but it isn't the same as what is happening here and now with hua cheng. even knowing so little, he knows that much. the poison of the flowers of that garden so long ago left him no choice but physical harm to still his mind and subdue any want. but the magic from hua cheng, this connection that feels red and all consuming, isn't cornering xie lian into a choice he does not even want to make. rather, it is asking him: will you accept me?
and that, the answer was already given when he took a black cat in, even not knowing.
once they are touching, xie lian has some awareness even through their very new bond, that his pulling away had harmed hua cheng as well. so his hands pet through his hair and down his face to his neck again and back, over and over — i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm so sorry — even as he keeps his own face pressed to hua cheng's shoulder. xie lian is blisteringly hot now again, and the little desperate noises he tries to mute into hua cheng's skin come paired with warm wet exhales. )
no subject
Hua...Hua Cheng...ah...
( he barely manages that much and even just that is too heavy and aching, a wantonness to xie lian's voice that he's never had except —
— once there was a garden.
ah. it isn't that xie lian forgot, but it isn't the same as what is happening here and now with hua cheng. even knowing so little, he knows that much. the poison of the flowers of that garden so long ago left him no choice but physical harm to still his mind and subdue any want. but the magic from hua cheng, this connection that feels red and all consuming, isn't cornering xie lian into a choice he does not even want to make. rather, it is asking him: will you accept me?
and that, the answer was already given when he took a black cat in, even not knowing.
once they are touching, xie lian has some awareness even through their very new bond, that his pulling away had harmed hua cheng as well. so his hands pet through his hair and down his face to his neck again and back, over and over — i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm so sorry — even as he keeps his own face pressed to hua cheng's shoulder. xie lian is blisteringly hot now again, and the little desperate noises he tries to mute into hua cheng's skin come paired with warm wet exhales. )