( it's many decades, centuries of mistakes and learned patience and stubborn empathy that has xie lian gently rising to his feet, just to take both of hua cheng's hands in his own, the basket softly turned to its side near xie lian's ankles. he rubs his fingertips across hua cheng's knuckles, as if he could work in warmth, head bowed, the long tenacious tangle of his own hair almost black with how soaked through it is. a sharp contrast to the white he always wears. )
San Lang, I know it isn't conventional, and I apologize. I seem to be in the habit of not doing things how I should, or how is expected.
( his smile is hidden because of his lowered head, rueful. despite trying to protect hua cheng from himself by keeping their bond quiet and controlled, and so closing off certain intuitions, xie lian has a soft hearted advantage of simply caring enough about him regardless. hua cheng reminds him of an injured animal of late, and even more so right now, so xie lian is excruciatingly gentle with his touch, comfort channeled into it with the utmost care, his qi running soothing lines along him as a hand along a cat's back or fingers carded through a person's hair, a palm drawing wide open hearted circles across a broad back, and so on. )
But even if it is typical for a familiar to "serve", I prefer to try us thinking of each other as something more equal. San Lang's well being is important to me, and I neither want you to fall sick nor feel you need to "serve". Or if that is unavoidable, San Lang would need to accept me serving him as well.
( with that, xie lian finally looks up, and this time his smile is a more familiar warmth. ignoring the rain, and anyway at this point they are both drenched, xie lian keeps one hand curved softly over one of hua cheng's, while the other lifts carefully to pause in front of his face as if asking permission, and if it is given, xie lian will fit his palm and long pale tapered fingers against the side of hua cheng's face, gentle gentle gentle. fond. yet firm underneath it all: the heart and the nerve in many storied alignment.
then xie lian's qi wraps around all of hua cheng like a physical embrace of sunlight in the midst of the dark storm: there, there. it is alright. i promise. please help me understand. )
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San Lang, I know it isn't conventional, and I apologize. I seem to be in the habit of not doing things how I should, or how is expected.
( his smile is hidden because of his lowered head, rueful. despite trying to protect hua cheng from himself by keeping their bond quiet and controlled, and so closing off certain intuitions, xie lian has a soft hearted advantage of simply caring enough about him regardless. hua cheng reminds him of an injured animal of late, and even more so right now, so xie lian is excruciatingly gentle with his touch, comfort channeled into it with the utmost care, his qi running soothing lines along him as a hand along a cat's back or fingers carded through a person's hair, a palm drawing wide open hearted circles across a broad back, and so on. )
But even if it is typical for a familiar to "serve", I prefer to try us thinking of each other as something more equal. San Lang's well being is important to me, and I neither want you to fall sick nor feel you need to "serve". Or if that is unavoidable, San Lang would need to accept me serving him as well.
( with that, xie lian finally looks up, and this time his smile is a more familiar warmth. ignoring the rain, and anyway at this point they are both drenched, xie lian keeps one hand curved softly over one of hua cheng's, while the other lifts carefully to pause in front of his face as if asking permission, and if it is given, xie lian will fit his palm and long pale tapered fingers against the side of hua cheng's face, gentle gentle gentle. fond. yet firm underneath it all: the heart and the nerve in many storied alignment.
then xie lian's qi wraps around all of hua cheng like a physical embrace of sunlight in the midst of the dark storm: there, there. it is alright. i promise. please help me understand. )